The Photo Frame

a dusty tired day
while clearing out her cupboard
with a wrench of heart
she saw.
a pink photo frame.
a photo with her and her best friend.
it stung it smarted
the resounding question of pray why?
under the frame
was a stack of drawings.
and that was all that was left
of a confused friendship.
she had stowed it away
she had pushed it away
but memories aren't hidden at leisure
especially painful ones.
it was all just paper
she tried convincing.
yet flashes of a life
which she had held so dearly
so close
and without warning had to let go.
five years was not the matter
the mere abruptness of departure was
a cool declaration
of the end of it all.
she looks at the frame again.
she sees how different it all was.
how different the friend had been.
and all was over now.
she made worthy to forget
the times they had cried and laughed together
the time they had shared.
the close sisterly bond.
it was all over.
there was only a stack of paper left.
best friend.
it wasn't a label. it was a promise.
a promise which was broken
without much ado.
well life couldn't stop.
people come and people go.
but she had believed she would stay.
she tells herself sternly.
she will forget.
she doesn't care.
but her heart whispers.
you won't.
and you do.

Jealousy

What's that strange emotion
which pulses through you
which clouds reasoning
and rational thought?
its jealousy.
whats that bizarre anger you have?
jealousy?
what is jealousy?
fear of replacement?
a twisted threat
to your existence?
its that white fury
which encircles you
and traps you within
it smirks at you
as you struggle
it laughs as you change
your torture is amusement
for its companions.
insecurity.
the thought of losing another
the pain of abandonment
it serves right in small doses.
it should not be given in large ones.
let that emotion go.
your loved one is yours, as well as others alone.
your prize is yours, if rightly earned.
wash away your insecurity.
let no evil deeds happen.
there.
it's gone.

Twitchy squirrel.

I love the squirrel's expression. It could either be saying "HEY YOU BACK OFF. This is my food!"

I love the way squirrels eat their food. They put it between their two paws and nibble at it. I even fed one today!
Not this one, though. This one suspected me of stealing its grain.

Like two halves.

Okay I thought I'll put down my favourit-est couples...the ones which make me feel so warm and happy inside. And trust me, I find very few TV/Book/ Film couples like that.



Ron & Hermione: From the first book I've liked them. They are one of the most realistic and beautiful couples I've EVER read about or seen. They have had terrible fights, and yet they made it through that. I think their most intriguing fights include the Yule Ball battle, the one after Ron dates Lavendar, and the one after Crookshanks is supposed to have eaten Scabbers. *sigh*
Some favourite quotes:

"Ron," said Hermione in a dignified voice, "you are the most insensitive wart I have ever had the misfortune to meet."

Hermione: I was going to ask you. But if you rather I got off with McLaggen...
Ron (very quietly): No, I wouldn't.

Hermione "Aren't you two ever going to read Hogwarts: A History?"
"What's the point? You know it all by heart, we can just ask you."

Hermione frowned at Ron.
"He's not a nutter, Ron--"
"His life's ambition is to have his head cut off and stuck up on a plaque just like his mother," said Ron irritably. "Is that normal, Hermione?"

Here's another picture:



Shawn Juliet: Okay this couple's just realized their feelings for each other, and right they can't do anything about it. I have watched Psych from season 1 to 5, and I've noticed that in every episode that they have such subtle yet beautiful moments.




Some quotes:
Juliet O'Hara: I don't ask questions I don't want to know the answer to.
Shawn Spencer: Ooh, then never ask your boyfriend if he thinks your sister's hot.
Juliet O'Hara: I don't have a sister.
Shawn Spencer: How about a boyfriend?

Juliet O'Hara: Where are you ?
Shawn Spencer: On the phone. Where are you?

SCARLETT O HARA AND RHETT BUTLER: One of the BEST and most wonderful couples I've EVER read about. Scarlett is soo utterly human, and Rhett is too good to be true. *sigh* such a tragic story :(



Scarlett: But you are a blockade runner.
Rhett: For profit, and profit only.
Scarlett: Are you tryin' to tell me you don't believe in the cause?
Rhett: I believe in Rhett Butler, he's the only cause I know. The rest doesn't mean much to me.

Scarlett: [After agreeing to marry Rhett] Money does help and of course I am fond of you...If I said I was madly in love with you, you'd know I was lying. You always said we had a lot in common...
Rhett: You're right, my dear. I'm not in love with you any more than you are with me. Heaven help the man who ever really loves you.

Scarlett: No! I only know that I love you.
Rhett: That's your misfortune.

Ross Rachel: One of the most turbulent, messed up and confused couples ever. Yet throughout the seasons, even after the breakup there's always a hint of them being together. Two completely different people, and both completely crazy too.


Rachel: (while kissing Ross) Monica?
Ross: It would really help when I'm kissing you if you didn't shout out my sisters name.

Ross : Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?
Rachel: I got off the plane.

Ross: Look, look, there’s got to be a way we can work past this. Okay, (takes a hold of one of her arms.) I can’t imagine, I can’t imagine my life without you. (Both of them are starting to cry.) Without, without these arms, and your face, and this heart. Your good heart Rach, (drops to his knees and hugs her around her waist) and, and....
Rachel: (crying) No. I can’t, you’re a totally different person to me now. I used to think of you as somebody that would never, ever hurt me, ever. God, and now I just can’t stop picturing with her, I can’t, (Ross stands up and backs away) it doesn’t matter what you say, or what you do, Ross. It’s just changed, everything. Forever.
Ross: Yeah, but this can’t be it, I mean
Rachel: Then how come it is?
(I actually cried during this scene)


Tariq and Laila: AAAAAAAAAH. Another perfect couple. A Thousand Splendid Suns is one of the best books I've ever read. Tariq Laila are too good to be true!

Tariq (holds a gun): I'll kill with it, for you Laila.

Phoebe!!

I wish I were Phoebe sometimes ^_^
My biggest problem would be chasing whiny cats.

Interview with Lord Voldemort

I knock on a door, which has a stone snake engraved on it, instead of a doorknob.
A cold voice says "Enter."
I bounce in.

Lord Voldemort (in disgust): What do you want?
Me (very cheerfully): Good evening sir! See I was looking through the papers, and as your name is scattered everywhere as you're so in vogue these days, I decided I wanted to become a Death Eater.
The Dark Lord narrows his eyes.
Lord Voldemort (silky voice): Is that so? What qualities do you possess, Muggle?
Me: Well um...if you give me a wand, you'll see. But otherwise..um
(TUT OF DISGUST)
Me (ploughing on): Well...I can write stories. Hey I can write novels about you you your Death Eaters and publish them in the Muggle World! They'll sell more than Agatha Christies. Don't you just see yourself in a book "Voldie's big comeback."
(Voldemort isn't too happy.)
Voldemort: That would remind me that my comeback failed. Fool. What else can you do?
Me: I have a pepper spray and I attended a self-defence class.
(Voldemort actually groans)
Me: That won't work against the unforgivable curses, I forgot.
Vodemort (raises his eyes to the heavens) : IT WONT WORK AGAINST ANY SPELL, NITWIT!
Me (highly affronted) : Dude, you're meaner in person. But I have a proposition for you.
Voldemort (wearily): Really, what may that be?
Me: See, I don't want to kill anyone. Can I just sit and be the local photographer? And I'm a big fan of yours, by the way. Really big fan. I've read all about you, and I've always been the first to know about the murders you've committed. *blush* I can take notes for your meetings.
Voldemort: This is a very...um high profile job. You need to do what I say, which means...killing. So if you don't want to kill, you won't be accepted as a Death Eater. You may have to leave or die.
Me: Now that's just blatant dictatorship and corruption!
Voldemort (exasperated) : Now thats how it works here!
Me (heartbreaking sob) : You've dashed all my hopes and dreams.
Voldemort (rather tired) : Very well. You can be my cook. Wormtail died, I need a new one.
Me: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! (Voldemort closes his ears and almost starts crying)
Me: I can make chicken biryani.
(Voldemort disapparates)
I'm still unemployed.

The Narnia I see :)

Phoebe and I embarked on a journey.
Or rather Phoebe didn't know it was a journey, she just needed to stretch her legs.
And I found these in GK. GK a place which is bang in the middle of the main road.
I guess sometimes you just have to look beyond what you see :D

2010

I was looking through my blog, and I found something I had written at the end of 2009. I had written that 2010 might stand out in my life.


I know 2010 isn't over...but just with 3 months left, I can still say...2010 will always stand out in my life.
Maybe not for the best reasons.
And maybe for the best reasons too.
See I'm a bundle of contradictions.

The Cat Model

Look at Kitty pose!

Sunshine face :)

The white soul :)

So I took this when I walked through the long grass in my college forgetting about looming snakes.

The two cats.

So there was a time when i had two cats.

I had adopted the first when it was a little kitten.
a kitten which had been lost and ill treated by humans.
the kitten was bruised and injured.
But I loved my cat.
Soon the thin starved kitten became a fluffy gorgeous ginger cat.
and then I adopted the second cat.
And I loved this one too.
It was a confident young tabby.
the Tabby hid in it's shell of pain.
But I saw the hurt it went through.
And I cared for it, gave it everything I had.
i loved it through and through
despite the playful snarls and scratches.
I thought it loved me too.

Months swam by.
I saw Ginger becoming even more beautiful.
But to see Ginger was a rarity.
But I believed Ginger loved me still.
Tabby stuck on faithfully.
Despite it's playful animosity
it would still return to my side.
And then.
Ginger put out her claws and ran.
And she was gone.
Tabby turned the same way and followed suit.
And I never saw my cats again.

If they come back,
they will never be my cats again.

We painted CityWalk red.

I should have guessed that a day which starts out with singing Christmas carols in the middle of an agressive monsoon would lead to quite an interesting day.
And so it did.
It was a simple suggestion- go to Citywalk to buy Devika's Mom a gift. Well, for starters we trapped an auto where the driver made sure to hit every curb as hard as he could, and meet hairpin dents in the road making us almost fall out of the auto.
So we made it through the floods.
The visit in the mall started out in a very sane way. Like normal teenagers, we attacked the bookstore, where Anon bought her supply of books and I stole a chewing gum from Devika.
As we were extremely hungry people, we headed straight to Food Chowk, which was behind Citywalk. We ordered enough for one person having some sort of vague instinct that it would be enough for the three of us.
And hell it was.
Like famished UNICEF kids, we tore of chicken bones and divided three pieces amongst us. After the massacring of the chicken, there was quiet for a minute, as if reverence to the heavens for the food granted to us.
Whether it was the fact that we had had a very full meal, or whether there was something intoxicating in the soaps we smelt, or whether it was the spanish music in the mall, or the happiness of finding shoes in our sizes, the point is, all three of us became very funny in the heads right after lunch.
Let's go phase by phase.

The Food Bazaar Phase:
So we thought of making a goodie bag for Devika's mom. So we walked into the shop, and looked for chocolates.
It was very narrow space, and Devika was standing right between us. I don't know how it started but-

"Devika, take Mars bar."
"Oh look Toblerone!"
"No, Anandi, Lakshana..."
"No, take the snickers!"
"The Tronsky?!"
"No, TAKE THE LINDT DARK CHOCOLATE!"
"I hate dark chocolate, TAKE SOUR PUNK!"
"ANANDI, LAKSHANA I'VE GOT WHAT I NEED!"
"oh no, take Lindt Classic!"
"No Laki, that is milk!"
"ANANDI, LAKSHANA!"
"NOOOOO, take the Marshmellows, Devika!!"
"oh look Foxes! I used to have them when I was a child!"
"Oh yes! They were in a tub at that time!"
"Oh Devika, look bacon!"
"MOM's VEGETARIAN!!"

So in this mad conversation where Devika could only stutter a bit, it is fair to say that Anandi and I went beserk. Devika was completely cornered.
But then Devika had her turn too.

The Sunglasses Phase:
We saw wigs at a shop. That itself spelt crazy for us, and we rushed inside. Devika pulled on a bob-cut wig, and we paused to look at the effect. She looked like Cleopatra trapped in twenty first century. I pulled on a black wig, and unfortunately being me I couldn't even wear it right. So the black hair flopped down on my face.
realizing that I wasn't too lucky with wigs, I took it off.
And then we saw the sunglasses.
We ran like a pack of chipmunks who had discovered ground nuts.
like six year olds, we messed up the whole beautiful arrangement and tried on every single pair. I seemed to look like a large glittering insect in most of them, though Devika came off nicely in many. Though in one she did look like Johnny Bravo's mother.
I tried on red nerdish glasses too, and I swear I saw Ugly Betty in the mirror.
So the conversation went something like this, while the shopkeepers stood by and stared at us. Never had they seen so much action.
"Wear the green!"
"I'm taking the blue."
"it's 900 rs!"
"Oh no, mine is 600 rs!"
"No no, mine is Rs. 599!"
"That's still 600."
"I look like a bumblebee!"
"No, very letchy!"
(in the middle I tried theatrics)
"lakshana, don't break them! careful!"
"Oh i want the white!"
"here are the white!"
"This is not the white! Is the white?"

in retrospect, we realized that we had practically lost our minds at the sight of sunglasses and had scrambled the entire organization of sunglasses. One daring shopkeeper mumbled and told us to come to the other side to look at the glasses.
We left the shop in fits of laughter.
We attacked Archie the same way.
Then we realized we had better get home. For once an auto was willing to go, and we sang different genres of song- from my humps, to Country Roads, then Linkin Park and of course lovesick Enrique.
Oh dear, what a day.

words to a future daughter :D

Dearest daughter.
YAYY you have to be 18 to read this. And trust me, when you turn 18, I'll be the first to force you to read this.
I am writing this out of inspiration... So here are some things I want YOU to know, and I will try to be as organized as possible. And as you would know, I'm terribly disorganized and scatterbrained. I hope I'm slightly better at expressing myself at the time...when you read this.
Well...I don't want you to be a hard cynic, neither do I want you to be an unrealistic optimist...like I was. Life isn't as terrible, and full of hardships as made out to be...but it isn't the garden of roses you should expect either.
Take each day as it comes, live each day to the fullest. From experience I can tell you, there will be people who will love you more than anything else...there will be people who won't...and there will be those who will be your friend, and just might drop you on the way as they would replace you with someone else. The last two should not make you bitter and resentful to every relationship that comes your way. I'm telling you...being bitter and angry will get you nowhere.
Though, don't take things lying down. If people hurt you or try to suppress you, fight back. Don't be a doormat...I did on many occasions. Don't do that. I repented dearly for it, and I don't want you to go through the same. And please don't apologize for things which are not your fault. I'm saying this from cold experience, where I've believed I'm at fault...and then I analyzed and understood much later.
Cherish your friendships. It takes a long time to get good, solid friends. And there are some such beautiful friendships which will be with you forever. The best friendships sometimes don't come into your life with pomp and blare. They reveal themselves in nicest ways. It takes time, true. But it's all worth it.
Have confidence, believe in yourself. Judge for yourself..who will be there for you, and who won't.
And please work hard at math. I was a disaster at it, and I would love to show off that my daughter is a topper at it.
Make the most of your talents, and I'm sure they will be in abundance.
You will never be alone, I promise you. I'll be there :)
And don't smoke. Once you start, you won't be able to stop. So you better not. It's terrible for your health.
And please learn the recipe of how to make chocolate brownies from your grandmother.
And I want you to read. Read, read, read. The world of books is wonderful. You can travel all over the world by sitting in just one place and reading a book. Please avoid Meg Cabots if you can.
Dream, and dream, and turn those dreams into reality. And if they do crash, don't be brokenhearted. The strongest person is the one to rise and dream again, and make the dream a living dream.
I know you will :-)
lots of love,
Me.

Fury

when fury blazes through your veins
the warm blood gushes through you
the idea of being cheated, and let down again
makes your fingers curl
what sort of madness is this?
to fall for the same traps yet again?
the craze of anger, the delusion of trust
the clear haze of hypocrisy
again.
again. and again.
a sprayed illusion of guilt
thrown back upon you?
its a fury daze.
you live through it.
you feel the fury pulsing through your veins.
and yet nothing can be done.
just burn and suffocate in it.
the fault of believing.
the fault of being gullible.
the fault of being prey.
it smears you.
and you let it smear you.
you let it.
again.
is the realization too late?
how long can the bitterness survive?
no, no.
harder done than said. let it go.
let go of things that never existed.
stop clinging to fistfuls of just plain air.
breathe.
the fury has to be extinguished.
revenge should not be taken.
for revenge hurts no one more than the one who tries to inflict it.

lessons not yet learnt?
is it not time?
has the world not tested you enough?

-wash out.
douse your fury.
even at the point of the reddest flames, your fury won't be noticed.

so pray, tarry. be cautioned.

yeaaah well I just wrote this in a fit of anger and temper :p please don't worry :D

disclaimer

the previous story was written for my best friend for her bday =)
so this post is more or less a dedication to her.

The brighter side of life

As the last month has been hectic, hot, humid-in short the worst month of 2010 in every respect, i decided to write somethings which makes me happy, so when I feel cranky and wonky and miserable, I'll remember this and be happy again :D

sunshine, chocolates, lindt, photo frames, cocoberry, Metro stations, paintings, disney, One Tree Hill, James Lafferty, BOOKS, blue, purple, green. yellow umbrellas, momos, long walks in backlawns, laughs, laughs and more laughs, mad over doughnuts, chocolate truffles, dilli hart, bangles, butter chicken, stories, family, rain, echo lodge, imaginary worlds, babies, football, Kaka, hindi serials, Ben Mckenzie, Creative Writing society, smiles, butterflies, dangling earrings, LSR, nescafe visits, brown sugar, winter concerts, auditions, Hakuna Matata, Lion king, waking up to messages and missed calls, random conversations, scribbling in classes, chuckles, chalk fights, water fights.

this is a part of it. :D and even when things are terrible, these keep me going. :)

25 random things about me

1) I think my printer is possessed. it takes a sheet in, throws it out, takes another in, crumples it, finally prints the third one.

2) i love watching random soap operas be it english or hindi. they're my source of entertainment.

3) i'm a knowledge book for bollywood and K serials much to the annoyance of my friends ;)

4) every time i buy slippers they get eaten up by phoebe, and i end up going to college in bitten slippers. its become a trend now.

5) i'm terrible at discussing fashion.

6) one of the weirdest things about me is that I hate chinese. I've hated it since i was a child.

7) I love decorating my room with photos, and pictures of my favourite celebrities.

8) never take me to a zoo. i always have an urge of letting the animals free and taking the tiger home as a pet.

9) momos are a very, very, important part of my life.

10) i'm a HUGE fan of James Lafferty. I'm freakishly obsessed.

11) my fingernails grow very quickly. I don't know why.

12) i have a few golden-brown strands of hair which I am very proud of.

13) it doesn't take much to make me laugh. i like laughing and people who make me laugh.

14) till late I was confused about the reproduction of chickens.

15) I want a kangaroo for my birthday.

16) I still believe that i might walk into Narnia by accident.

17) I have three stuffed toys which I still keep on my bed. Poochum, Woofwoof and a teddybear which has no name.

18) one of my dream expeditions is to go to Antarctica and put up a flag.

19) I think everyone is good at heart.

20) I think Pandas are fascinating animals.

21) I love the thrill of horror movies at night.

22) I die laughing everytime i watch the Twilight series.

23) when I was five, I had an imaginary friend called Archana. She moved away to China and became a rabbit.

24) I treasure the few close friends I have. And no matter what, they'll always have a very special place in my life which no one else can take.

25) when I was six, I wanted to be Santa's elf.

Wintry Concert

“Listen, listen listen listen listen listen! Let’s audition for the Winter Concert!” Devika said, practically screaming.
I had been too busy counting the number of listens. At the same time, I had been wondering what to buy for Ranjana’s birthday.
“What?” I asked perplexed
“Dude, there are posters all over the college! Lets audition for this! You and Ranjana audition for acting, I’ll try the singing!”
As much as I liked the idea, I got cold feet. I had suffered enough traumatic experiences regarding acting in street play, and now I felt like a nervous wreck when it came to acting. But still I decided I could try for it.
Well the Winter Concert…. proved to be quite something.
I was too lazy to learn something by heart and act it out. So, me being the lazy child I was, recited something I had recited a million times before. I remember the WMS’s president maintaining an absolutely blank expression. I tried to fathom her deadpan expressions, but no avail.
I lent Ranjana ‘A series of unfortunate events’ book, which she promptly read out. Our nightingale Devika sang Kal Ho na ho. (And after that, Devika was dragged off to sing for every concert in town :p )
So the three of us cracked the auditions. And then I realized that it was mostly singing, and that there was hardly any acting. So I decided to participate in the singing, as I liked the songs.
Now, it’s kind of obvious that some sort of chaos will occur when Devika and I are together. And we had to a sing neither-high-neither-low- part of the song ‘they don’t really care about us.’.
We had to sing in one high monotone.
So we started practice with great flourish. Now I couldn’t get the correct parts of the monotone, and I kept going unnecessarily low “Oooooooooooooooooooo” and Devika would unfortunately get carried off in that direction. Twice, thrice, our little group of neither-high-neither-lows were told gently that somewhere we were going off.
I tried mastering it. Till I mastered it, Devika decided to stick her fingers in her ears to try to get the tune right. It worked for her, but I was still in a low “oooooooooo”. I got it just about right a few days before the concert.
Our next hurdle was RESPECT. Now this song has the ability to make people (me, mostly) to forget the rest of the song.
There was a certain part of the song called “Suck it to me” which the four of us had to sing. And we had to sing this fast. I got into a delirium when singing this part, and I didn’t stop.
“Suck it to me Suck it to me Suck it to me Suck it to me Suck it to me
Suck it to me Suck it to me Suck it to me Suck it to me….”
“Lakshanaa…shhhhh.” Devika tried whispering.
When I finally stopped, I saw the WMS president looking at me with an astonished expression on her face.
“Only a few times. You don’t have to get into a fever.”
I wished that I was a fly on the wall.

And then our Ancient India teacher told us that she would give us an assignment. We pleaded, and told her to please let us give it along with the lucky MUNers, Tanya, Diva and Anandi. Didn’t work.
The unfortunate part was that this test was on the day of the Winter Concert.
At the same time, Devika and I were planning Ranjana’s birthday. See, this is what happens when everything coincides!
Our WMS president then gave an enlightening speech.
“All of you have practiced really well. Just get your costumes tomorrow, in case we have the concert. Most likely we might not have it tomorrow, we might have it on Monday.”
I almost dropped my bag. She had announced it so casually!
“So…we have to study for the test tomorrow…before that we need to get Ranjana’s gift ready…” Devika was trying to say calmly but I could see a massive Devika panic attack coming along.
“Let’s see, let’s see.”
So we grabbed the first unwilling cycle rickshaw to the market, bought a present, and wrapped it. We hurried back to our houses. I made Ranjana’s card. As I tried to print out pictures, I found that my printer had crashed. So I had to make do with my existing black and white ones. The purple card was ready.
Next, I had to get to study. Which of course I didn’t.
So next morning, I was bleary eyed and ‘wonky’ in Anandi’s words. And then, luck seemed to pour.
The test was an open-book one.
The Concert WAS taking place.
After writing the test, we moved swiftly to the auditorium. Apparently some drama had taken place there, as our WMS president had burst out crying.
I got into my costume, which involved a pair of hideously-coloured pajamas. I remember bitterly wishing to take them home and get it ripped by Phoebe.
For us, the Winter Concert was a lot of fun. Generally…it was a disaster. We messed up half the songs.
But I still loved it all the same. ^_^

The Ballad of Nothing

Devika was sitting with the sex workers in Bombay. I was sitting at TOI relaxing. And this is what we came up with.

I believe can fly
i believe i can touch the sky
then we will eat fish fry
and never ever cry
because fish fry is too dry
change the rhyme scheme to furry
yes I will but only if you hurry
dont worry we will have chicken curry
I miss my little teddy named furry
but furry is sitting with Marie!
but Marie said she'd be going to the dairy?
Uh oh. then where is beary?
I think he flew away with a fairy!
But that fairy is hairy!
Oh no, that wasn't a fairy, that was a king of strawberry!
Oh i heard that he killed Mister Berry!
i always knew he was a sinister scary
not that scary, if he's dating a fairy
i've heard them jive to the tunes of Katy perry
they kissed a girl just to try it
that led the strawberry king into a fit
he screamed, he yelled, he turned green
the fairy sat quietly and ate sola beans
stop changing the rhyming scheme so often,
its very mean
oh baby, I'm your Jay sean
but Jay Sean watches porn
now im torn
dont worry, our love is twice born
oh sweetheart lets go eat popcorn
ooh yeah and together see the sunny morn
oh after that we are so marrying Ron
I want Ron. You take John?
Okay no, you and me lying on a big green lawn
we will sit there till early dawn
after all ron and john are just pawns
wow that indeed a pretty picture drawn
yes indeed the vision is nice
but dont forget, john is scared of mice!
oh that indeed is a pitiable vice.
oh we should just kill them nice.
killing is cold. mean and hard like ice.
fine lets call naomi, she is as blonde as a blonde born twice!
she'd even lose a game as simple as dice!
that's naomi. she will never win a trip to miami!
oh poor poor naomi
she is such a freak, she thought i was greek!
one must not talk to her if one's heart is meek
but sleazy guys always take a peek
we should box them near the beak?
then they will squeak squeak
they will have to run to take a leak
our poem is epic, we make cool jobless aesthetics
absolutely true, is there hope for me as a paramedic?
oh sure there is. i will be your sidekick!
duh! you will be my one and only pick!
thatt makes me soo happy, i could fall sick!
oh no no, give the sickness a tight flick!
this poem is a record forever
it shows our worthy endeavours
absolutely it does, with all the manic fervour!
i gave it a flick, and the fairy who flew by was too thick
ooh! that flick sounded slick!
the fairy was angry, the fairy was mad.
then she exploded into bits
and that was so sad.

Lyrics.

here are the lyrics of some songs which I like. again, its amazing how you can describe so much through music

(its been a hard days night lyrics)
t's been a hard day's night, and I've been working like a dog
It's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log
But when I get home to you I find the things that you do
Will make me feel alright

You know I work all day to get you money to buy you things
And it's worth it just to hear you say you're gonna give me everything
So why on earth should I moan, 'cause when I get you alone
You know I feel okay


(Like a man possessed lyrics)

I go on forever
Older burns are overturned
My life for worse or better
I'm just craving for a cure

Like a man possessed
A requiem
We're singing

Hide the misdemeanors
Never lead an open life
My hands were never cleaner
Not a trace for you to find


Like a man possessed
A requiem
We're singing

Say it, does it show?
Is this test in any other time?
I know, but I don't
I'm blind in every other eye
Cold hands, colder smoke
We sleep anywhere we lie
You're lying if you don't
I'll try, I'll try


(my sacrifice lyrics)
Hello my friend, we meet again
It's been awhile, where should we begin?
Feels like forever
Within my heart are memories
Of perfect love that you gave to me
Oh, I remember

When you are with me, I'm free
I'm careless, I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My sacrifice

We've seen our share of ups and downs
Oh how quickly life can turn around
In an instant
It feels so good to reunite
Within yourself and within your mind
Let's find peace there

I just want to say hello again
I just want to say hello again

(waiting on the sun lyrics)
I'm going nowhere and I'm going to take my time
All the questions in the world
I can leave in my mind
I'm waiting on the sunshine, the sunshine

I'm waiting for answers
I'm waiting to figure it out
I took all my chances
I slipped through my town

(bittersweet symphony. im putting the whole song down, as i love it so much!)

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah

No change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
But I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,no,no,no,no,no(fading away)

Well I never pray
But tonight I'm on my knees yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now

No change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
I can't change
I can't change it

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
Trying to find some money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah

You know I can't change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no

I can't change my mind
no, no, no, no, no,
I can't change
Can't change my body,
no, no, no

I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
That you've ever been down
That you've ever been down

(paint the silence...i love the lyrics!)
How can you say your life is empty?
So late in the day
Why would you stay another second?
Now your sight got in the way
A combination of love and aggression
Another second lived

Don't paint the silence black now save me
(Paint the silence)
Don't leave it a day
You got a right to stand or die so maybe
(Paint the silence)
You take chances all the same
Pain comes in stages, if we don't make it
Nothing changes

(colourblind lyrics)
I am color...blind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am
taffy stuck, tongue tied
Stuttered shook and uptight
Pull me out from inside

Escape route.

I want to be a hermit.
I'll go and settle in this forest.
i'll make a house of bamboo.

lets hope

lets not give up
lets not let go
so much left to live for
so much left to believe in
lets wish for the sunrise
lets bid farewell to the sunset
lets wait for the dark clouds to fade away
lets breathe
lets see the enchantment
lets wish for the rainbow
miracles exist
lets keep our faith strong
our resolution firm
lets not flutter
lets...believe.

lets live.
let not the roses die
let not the world darken
let our faith take us.
where we wish to go.
lets observe.
and lets stand still.

and we'll see the dawn.


stupid poem, but I needed to write something like this :p

Lila

I looked nervously at Lila. She seemed harmless right now.
She was sitting in one corner and singing 'Smoke on the water' to herself. I took a deep breath. I called out,
"Lila. We have guests today.'
'Oh thats good.' She replied indifferently.
'It's Ray. And his family. Remember Ray?'
'I went to school with him, Mom. Of course I would remember him.' She snapped.
There was a silence.
'We have to meet them. Me, and you. Only you..'
She got up instantly and looked at me with blazing eyes.
'Who else are you thinking of?'
'N-n-no one.' I stammered instantly.
Lila glowered at me and walked off. And then I heard a door bang.
I walked to the balcony and smelt the fresh air. It seemed scented, it had a relaxed feel to it...in contrast to the dull heavy atmosphere of tension centered inside the small flat. I looked down at the street and saw little children laughing and playing. The sound of laughter echoed. At first it seemed pleasant, and then it became so jarring and painful that i rushed back inside the flat. My eyes burned and I felt so sick with envy and jealousy of all those mothers who could watch their children have a delightful childhood. It was horrible, it was unjust. There was no God. If there were, he would have never let this happen to Lila and me.
Which mother is frightened of talking to their daughter?
I was.
Sometimes tragedy doesn't 'appear', if I may use the word in one go. It can be like a stealthy snake winding its way into your life and spreading its poison slowly.
Lila's father was the poison.
He became angry. He became frustrated. And he took out all this on Lila.
He became prone to bursts of insanity. Lila was the victim of it.
Sometimes I looked at other families and observed. The husband would come back exhausted from work, the wife would give him some food and they would discuss their day. Then they would sit with their children and talk all night long.
What happened with us was quite a different case. Lila's father would kick the door open, greet Lila and me with a volley of abuses and then settle down in the living room.
I learnt later what used to happen when I wasn't home. Sometimes he used to come home when I wasn't there.
I'll explain in few words. He attacked her at any point he could. With Knives, with fire. And he would claim that she had hurt herself.
And then he set fire to the house.
Lila had managed to escape by then. He perished in his own flames.
I almost cried with relief.
And then, fourteen-year-old Lila changed.

"Why are you calling them over?" Lila asked.
"Mrs. Desmond has been asking for a long time to see us. I can't keep refusing and making excuses." I said quietly.
"I didn't ask you to make excuses. Why can't you simply say you don't want them to come because you think your daughter is mad?" Lila yelled.
"You're not mad, Lila!"
Lila laughed mirthlessly.
"Really? You're afraid to have company. You're afraid of what will happen if I meet people. You're afraid. You think I'm going to behave the way I did...last time granny came home. You made sure I never got close to anyone!"
"I am not. I stopped having people over because you told me not to!"
"Rubbish. Then explain. If you're not humiliated, why have we shifted to a remote corner of the world where none of our relatives can sniff us out and irritate us?"
"It's peaceful here." I replied weakly.
"Again rubbish!" She said and hit the table.
"Calm down, please Lila."
"I pity you. Stuck with a daughter like me, and you can't even afford a psychiatrist! Remind me what happened last time Granny came home?" she said, her eyes filling with tears.
"No." I whispered.
She shook her head and said,
"You're right. You're absolutely right. We should not be reminded of it. I'm sorry...i'm sorry. I would do anything to prevent-"
"It's not your fault." I said.
"I can't blame anyone else, can I?" she said and left the room.

The dinner with Ray and his family was unexpectedly peaceful. The bitter and angry Lila had vanished, and a happy and cheerful girl had taken her place.
"My, Ginny. Lila has turned into a fine young girl. And what a beauty! Soon she'll be ready for marriage!" Mrs. Desmond said giving a wide smile in Ray's direction.
I nodded feebly. Lila's eyes became stony.
"When do you plan on getting her married?"
"She's only...twenty. She has time." I said hurriedly.
Lila was holding the glass too tightly. I said with a change of tone,
"So what is Ray doing now?"
The conversation then veered off in another direction, and Lila’s composure returned. As they were leaving, Ray said,
"I'll be giving you a call soon."
Lila smiled and said,
"Yes. Do so."
A pearl of sweat appeared on my brow.

The telephone calls between Ray and Lila started. From once a day, it became four times a day. He would drop in whenever he could. And then one day, I summoned enough courage to tell Lila.
"Please don't get too close..." I couldn't even complete the sentence, when she kicked the chair hard.
"I need people. I need to talk! And here's someone who is extremely close to me, and you want me to cut him out?"
"You're getting very interested in him..."
"Yes, I am. And he is too. You let me deal with my social life alone. For the first time, I actually feel close to someone. And you want to shut me up again?"
"Ray doesn't know!"
"What he doesn't know, won't hurt him!"
"What will happen if he ever lights fire? Or something else? Tell me!" I said and held Lila tightly.
"I'll make up something about a phobia!"
"What are you going to do about Anne?" I whispered.
Even Lila's knuckles turned white.
"She won't come back. I promise."

The meetings continued.
Anne didn't come back. Maybe she had left for good.
Then Ray proposed, and before I knew it, wedding preparations had already begun. The only thing which made happy was to see Lila's happy face and dancing eyes. It had been a long time since I had seen that.
Before the wedding night, Anne appeared.
Maybe it was the fire which triggered it.
I was careless. I was lighting a matchstick, forgetting Lila was still in the house. Lila walked in dancing at that point, and then when she saw the fire, she became Anne.
A ghostly look came into her eyes and she started trembling. She started screaming and banging her fists against the wall. she kicked out in fury. This was Anne...the traumatized remainder of Lila's past.
"Anne, Anne!" I cried out and rushed towards her. I threw some water on her, and she quietened instantly.
"I thought we had a deal, Ginny. I thought you wouldn't show fire to Lila. And that too before her wedding day? Ginny, Ginny. You're a far worse mother than I thought you were! You couldn't protect your own daughter when she was attacked by the monster you make her call father. You shut her up like an animal, you are humiliated because of her. You are afraid I might return. Like the time when her grandmother came. Now who will get married to Ray? Not me." Anne said, her mouth curling into a sneer.
"I kept Lila away, for her own good! What else could I do? I couldn't afford the psychiatrist! I don't deserve the blame, I don't. I have tried to be a good mother, I tried." I said taking Anne's scarred hands in mine.
"You haven't. I'm sure Lila knows it too." Anne hissed.
And then she collapsed.

i sang all night to a sleeping Lila. I caressed her hair, and gave her a forehead a light kiss. Anne was right. I had isolated Lila from everyone else.
The wedding took place in grand style. Weddings are so beautiful. The smiles, the laughs, and the music. Not to forget the flowers.
Lila was carrying a bunch of white roses. She had insisted on it, even though Mrs. Desmond wanted her to carry red. The white roses disturbed me. I had read somewhere that white roses meant 'love dead-love forsaken'.
The music continued. I almost felt at peace. Though I knew that something was terribly wrong.
I was letting my daughter get married to a person who had no idea about her disease.
This relationship was a fraud.

Three years later.
Lila appeared in her wedding dress on my doorstep with blood on my doorstep hysterical.
I stared in shock.
Lila whispered,
"Anne got angry."

A conversation.

-Hello Mrs. X. How are we today?
-The sun's a burden. It's too hot.
-Mrs. X, would you like tea?
-Thank you. No sugar.
-I'll serve it for you, Mrs. X.
-Do that dear. I hate handling cutlery. Simple things like this frighten me.
-Not a problem, Mrs. X. How was your visit to Panchmadi?
-Good. I was bothered by an awful body ache and head ache.
-That's terrible. How are you now?
-I think I'm destined to suffer for my entire life.
-in Panchmadi, did you prefer to walk rather than drive? The scenery is beautiful.
-No, the dust hits you and smothers you. I hate dust.
-Did you enjoy the scenery?
-I heard Ghosts everywhere I went.
-Oh. I loved the scenery.
-You're young. Live life to the fullest. Then you'll become old and die.
-How are your sons?
-They're weird.
-What are they doing?
-One is involved in obscure archaeology, the other is trying to communicate with aliens and one is doing engineering.
-Communicating with aliens?
-Doing stuff with space. Can't remember the word.
-Astronomy.
-How much do you read?!
-I just know this by general knowledge. I'm tired, Mrs. X. I'll be off.
-Getting tired so quickly? Maybe you're suffering from an illness.
-I'm exhausted. Goodbye, Mrs. X.

Linda- The Ultimate Destination

"Madhuri, what would you like to eat?”
Madhuri looked sulkily back and told Anand,
“We’re so late. We were meant to be here one hour earlier.”
“It’s not my fault that my mother didn’t know how to use the television. I had to explain it to her.” Anand said rather irritated.
“Well thanks to your explaining, it’s almost eleven o’ clock. I’m really hungry!” Madhuri said impatiently.
“Relax. I’ve heard waiters in the Taj Hotel are extremely fast. And stop acting so childish, what example are you setting for Diya?”
Madhuri was subdued. She looked at her five year old daughter cheerfully talking to a spoon and a fork. She sighed. Diya would never grow up. At the age of twenty, she would still talk to unanimated objects.
“That’s my child-wife.” Anand said pleased with his blackmail.
Madhuri laughed. She could never stay angry with Anand for a long time.
She looked at her watch again. It was almost eleven. She was dying to go to her hotel room and sleep peacefully. Tomorrow their vacation would end, and she would have to return to dreary Delhi and be content with teaching hyper six year olds.
The Taj restaurant looked as jazzy and glamorous as she had imagined. There were sparkly lights on the ceiling, and the place had been decorated so lavishly it looked like a bulb explosion.
She observed the tiny specks of dust on the carpet, the golden hands of the clock ticking away to glory, and she noticed that one bulb was flickering. The cool atmosphere of the restaurant made her feel drowsy.
Tick tock. Tick tock. The hands of the clock kept ticking.
It was a wonderful idea of Anand‘s to take them here for dinner. A dinner she would perhaps never forget.
Tick Tock. Tick tock. The ticking was beginning to annoy her.
She twisted the handkerchief around her fingers and listened to Anand ordering fried fish and chips and a glass of coke for her. She smiled. Anand knew her choice. He always did.
Suddenly everything seemed a little too quiet. The occasional chinks of forks and knives had stopped, and she felt that there was an eerie silence. A silence which seemed to indicated a noise that would never stop.
Tick Tock. Tick Tock. It was eleven.
“Why is everything so sil-” she started. She never got to complete the sentence.
There was a massive explosion in the next room. The noise was so jarring that Diya started wailing immediately.
Whatever happened next seemed like a complete swirl. People rushed here and there, while her legs seemed to be lead. She could feel Anand ‘s strong hold on her arm and him saying,
“Madhuri, we have to go!”
For a brief second she caught a glimpse of his face. His expression was so deathly pale, and there was fear and tension etched in every corner of his face. He was carrying a crying Diya, and trying to push her along as well.
Life sprang back into her legs and she rushed along with Anand. A sea-fog mist of pure fear had clutched her heart, and she could barely breathe. They made their way to the entrance among a hundred other hapless souls.
Just as they got out, Anand stumbled and fell.
“Anand! Diya!” She screamed.
She tried to come back, but the people in their stampede pushed her forward. The Taj staff were issuing instructions as quickly as they could. She numbly heard the word ‘terrorists’ and ‘four’, but she couldn’t put them together. All she could see was Anand trying to get up along with Diya, but he was unsuccessful. The force of the stampede was too strong.
And the terrorists came.
She saw it through the opposite window. She didn’t know how she made it through the choking smoke, or how she was even living. She was seeing the gunmen snuffing out lives with bullets.
They did the same to Anand and Diya.
She stood at the window and watched. Her entire body was cold and numb. She saw the terrorists mercilessly shooting Anand and then hitting Diya on the head with the rifle.
She felt nothing.
She felt utterly weightless.
The happy life of six years had been shattered with a bunch of bullets. Everything she had lived for and loved so completely had been taken away with hardcore ammunition. Her entire life had been wrenched away from her.
She continued watching though. She saw Anand giving up the lost war and lying in his pool of blood. Diya had been thrown aside, of course.
Anand saw her. He closed his eyes.
And life closed for her.
She didn’t know what happened next. In fact, she didn’t know that she had been forcefully taken to another room. She didn’t know that she was hiding in the bathroom with six others. She didn’t know when the NSG team came two days later and she was evacuated. She vaguely remembered a fresh breeze and rustling leaves. She didn’t recollect the cameras and the shrieking reporters.
All she remembered was collapsing on hard concrete with a dry sob.



“It’s as if she drew open the curtain and found herself in a new world…” Aashima said, with red eyes. She cast a nervous glance at the red door. It wasn’t opening.
“She says she’s with whom?” Rhea said wearily.
“She’s sitting with Anand and Diya.” Said Aashima starting to cry again.
Sure enough, that’s what Madhuri was doing. She was smiling, laughing, and talking to precisely no one. But in her mind, there was a very clear image of Anand teasing her, and Diya sitting in the corner.
“Linda is a beautiful place, Anand! I love it!” She said enthusiastically. She could hear Anand‘s laugh and him saying,
“It’s only for you, Madhuri!”
Diya ‘s little chuckles echoed all around. Suddenly those chuckles turned into repeated shrieks of anguish, which rang through Madhuri‘s skin like fire. She started running in the direction of the crying and screaming,
“Diya! DIYA! Its okay, Mummy’s here!”
She couldn’t find Diya. She groped the ground in fright, and hit it hard. She pounded her fists against the floor and then hit the wall hard. She kept beating the wall, till she saw blood on her hands. Her hands shook and she stepped back and burst into wild sobs.
She felt strong arms around her and she said gratefully,
“Anand!”
“Madhuri, it’s me! There’s no Anand, there’s no Diya, and there’s no place called Linda!”
Madhuri burst into a wild shriek of laughter. The voices in her head could be so funny. If there was no place called Linda, where was she?
She felt someone shake her hard. She saw a white-faced Rhea staring at her with red eyes and saying,
“I’m Rhea! Your sister!”
“Oh yeah.” Nodded Madhuri as if she was hearing that for the first time. Madhuri smiled and said,
“Glad you came to Linda. It’s an ancient Greek city.”
“There’s no place called Linda, Madhuri!”
Then Madhuri spotted the blood on her hands. Disturbing images swished through her mind….Anand lying dead somewhere….gunshots….and she collapsed on the floor and burst into fits.
Rhea summoned the doctor next-door who gave Madhuri and injection. Madhuri fell unconscious immediately.

Madhuri got up drearily. She was in an extravagant suite in Linda. Anand had just gone to get her a cup of coffee, and Diya was sitting in one corner playing with a torn-up teddy bear.
Linda was a beautiful place. It made her…feel…free. It gave her a sense of a strange freedom, a queer exotic pleasure which she couldn’t explain away.
She looked out of the window. Her eyes were rather bad, she thought. She could only see blurry images of beautiful mansions and buildings. She turned around and found that even Diya seemed slightly hazy.
Madhuri rubbed her eyes. She couldn’t see Diya anymore. The cold fear clutched her heart and she scanned the room wildly for Diya. Then she saw Diya toddling around the room, trailing her teddy bear on the floor. Her babyish laughs echoed around the room. Madhuri sighed with relief. She then heard a female voice. It sounded like Rhea.
“There is no hope, Aashima. She needs severe psychiatric treatment before she does more harm to herself!”
Madhuri tried to listen to what Aashima was saying. But she couldn’t. Aashima‘s words seemed incoherent and distant. What were they doing in Linda anyway? It was not even their vacation.
The words sank into her like slow knives. Psychiatric treatment. They thought that she was crazy. Why would they think that? She had to talk to Anand about it.
Anand came up to her and said in a singsong voice,
“No coffee today. Why do you look so stricken?”
Madhuri clutched him in panic and said,
“They want to take me for psychiatric treatment!”
Again Anand had the same white expression.
“Now, now Madhuri. You don’t need that, you know. Come on now. I’m going to take you for a lovely walk.”
Madhuri smiled through her tears and said to the laughing child sitting in the corner.
“Come, Diya.”
She could strongly feel Diya clinging to her finger. Anand hugged her tightly and gave her a light kiss on the forehead.
He held her hand and walked ahead. The place suddenly changed, and she saw a beautiful temple.
“Now let’s walk up these steps!”
She walked on the steps. With each step she took, she felt even more liberated and at ease. She didn’t need any psychiatry. She just needed her husband and daughter with her.
She could vaguely hear a shriek coming from far away.
“Madhuri! You’re on the edge of the parapet! Come away!”
“Just one more step.” Anand gently reminded her.
She took that one more step. She disregarded all the shrieks and cries. She could just feel Anand‘s warm hand on hers, and Diya clinging on to her finger.
At last, she was free.

Reasons why I won't date Edward Cullen:

1) The guy's eyes keep changing colour. Freakish enough.

2)He is absolutely white, and his face is stone cold. If I dated him, I would be always worried whether he has a chronicle illness.

3) He doesn't eat. So what's the point? Everytime he takes me out to dinner, I have to enjoy the food alone while he stares with 'his magical topaz eyes'?

4)I am dead clumsy. So I will keep falling and hurting myself, and end up with bleeding bruises...and that just might push the vampire in him over the edge.

5) 'Before you, my life was like a cloudless night. Then you shot across like a meteor, there was brilliancy, there was light. When you left, there was just darkness." Nope, I am not dating a guy who compares me to a molten rock in a cheesy way.

6) He growls. I think I hear enough of that from my dog, Phoebe.

7) I'm a mortal. I will grow older. He...is a vampire. And he will be stuck at seventeen. Can't keep on dating when I'm sixty.

8) I DONT want my mind to be continuously read!

9) He leaves sappy love notes. 'I have gone...but I've left my heart with you. Take care of it.' No, I just might slam it in the microwave!

10) I DETEST him.

The Ideal Wedding

So here this is my idea of an interesting wedding. This is the good part of imaginations, you can do whatever you want, there is no law preventing you from doing so.

Bride:
Why must she wear the typical white gown, or in Indian cases a red sari? If I was organizing a wedding...I would say she should wear a stunning emerald-green dress. And she doesn't have to be heavily decked with jewellery either. She can simply wear a necklace, and let her hair loose. No veils needed. And she can wear glass slippers...(I'm inspired by Cinderella). Tinted glass, I would say.

Bridegroom:
OK, he can just wear a black leather jacket (I have always had a fascination for them!!!), and a white shirt inside. And normal-looking trousers.

There should be at least six bridesmaids. The Bride would feel bad if one of her best friends was left out of the rituals or ceremonies.
So basically...the wedding would go like this:
Firstly, the wedding would take place...out in the open. In the woods, beneath a secure bough. There should be purple flowers all around, and the sun's rays peeping through the branches. And no shooing away the little squirrels, if there are any.
I've always had a fascination for squirrels. In the Ideal Wedding, I think the squirrels should stand in line and throw the flowers.
The wedding should just take two minutes. And then the birds should chirp away merrily.
A wedding where you just promise to be there forever.
For the food list...there should be a mixture of everything...except chinese food. I hate chinese, and not even in my wildest imaginations can I like it. :O
-Lemon Meringue
_Chocolate Fudge
-Ice Cream Cake
-Jelly.

And in the background, Coldplay should be playing Viva La Vida.

Ideal Wedding. Too Ideal?!

Something in the air...that night.

this month has been...in short hell.
but the past one year...has been...interesting. as I said, for the last 12 months, i have loved so many things.
but now...my cynicism and irritation has worn off...and i feel...things are going to be different.
and different in the nice way.
there have been certain things that I have wished heartily for...and they have happened.
for these few minutes i have been pondering...and I feel...things will be...for lack of a better word...nice.
my happy feelings have returned. and again i feel as if i see flowers blooming all around me, and the wind blowing gently.
life doesn't seem like a whirlpool, or a bed of thorns anymore. there are few people who love you more than anything else lurking around bushes. i guess its upto us to hunt them down and find them.
i know i sound crazy...perhaps insane. but i feel it in me.
things are going to different. its just something in the air i feel.
things will be different...for me...for the ones who i care most about...especially.
it will be.

PS- if its not dark poetry, its insane happiness. what can I say to defend myself? :P

Lets Get Lyrical.

Here are some songs which I feel are really apt. so thought I will put them down.

(Fix you)
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

(Over my head)
Inever knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears

(shiver)
So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention, do you?
I know you don't listen to me
'Cause you say you see straight through me
Don't you?

But on and on
From the moment I wake
To the moment I sleep
I'll be there by your side
Just you try and stop me
I'll be waiting in line
Just to see if you care

Oh, did you want me to change?
Well I'd change for good
And I want you to know that you'll always get your way
And I wanted to say

Don't you shiver
Don't you shiver
I'll sing it loud and clear
And I'll always be waiting for you

(crash and burn)
Let me be the one you call,
If you jump i'll break your fall,
Lift you up and fly away into the night.
If you need to fall apart,
I can mend a broken heart,
If you need to crash then crash and burn,
You're not alone.

(Kryptonite)
You called me strong, you called me weak ]
but still your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times I
never let you down
You stumbled in and bumped your head, if
not for me then you'd be dead
I picked you up and put you back
on solid ground

If I go crazy then will you still
call me Superman
If I'm alive and well, will you be
there holdin' my hand
I'll keep you by my side with
my superhuman might
Kryptonite

(Yesterday once more) MY FAVOURITE!

When I was young
I'd listened to the radio
Waitin' for my favorite songs
Waiting they played I'd sing along
It made me smile
Those were such happy times
And not so long ago
How I wondered where they'd gone
But they're back again
Just like a long lost friend
All the songs I loved so well

(*) Every Sha-la-la-la
Every Wo-wo-wo
Still shines
Every shing-a-ling-a-ling
That they're starting to sing's
So fine

When they get to the part
Where he's breakin' her heart
It can really make me cry
Just like before
It's yesterday once more

(Friends forever) another one of my favourites.

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can we ever find a job that won't interfere with a tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

Repeat 1

La, la, la, la…
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la…
We will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

its a wonder how we can express ourselves through songs :D

Fire! Fire!

Okay. I am losing every ounce of sanity I have.
So this entry...99.99% won't make sense. Though I will feel better and relieved after venting on a poor hapless little page.
I have exams coming soon also.

Fire fire fire everywhere.
its smoky and dusty all around.
i landed myself in this fire on my account.
because i was careless.
crazy, childish and gullible.
now that I have danced into it.
I threw away everything which mattered.
i brought upon the fire.
i called it.
my fault, my mistake.
no time for mistakes.
i just see a fiery smoky horizon.
-let the smoke vanish.
i might be able to breathe again.

am so sorry little blogger. i will be sane again soon. :D

The Whirlpool

Have you ever seen a whirlpool? doesn't it frighten you? You look at how 'whirlish' and how it swivels around. You accidentally venture into it, and there. You are sucked into it.
How much can you struggle in a whirlpool? How much willpower do you have to fight it and get out of it? Unless someone tries to help out by handing over a stick to you.
Now I am not talking about whirlpools out of mere love of them. I am trying to bring out a comparison between a whirlpool and life's darkest situations.
You walk into the worst situations possible. And before you it you've been drawn into the sinful little whirlpools. It depends- sometimes you can't fight it off. The pressures overcome you, and you almost succumb to the whirling.
Unless you spot your own way to survival.
In some situations, if you are extremely lucky, a person will be there to help you out. A person who will struggle with you to get you out.
Thats a rare scenario.
Because there are very few people willing to do that. Very few.
You might just have to hold on tightly, and push your way through.
its hard, you might not succeed.
But you never know...you might just.
whirlpools are strong. but if you can fight it, you are the strongest.

PS-my comparisons and profound sensibilities are quite bizarre, aren't they :P

Split seconds

its funny what all can happen in a split second.
you misjudge, you act impulsive,
you dont think.
and there.
you've ruined a person's life.
you've broken someone's trust.
the deed is done,
you've hurt someone.
maybe the person you care most about
maybe a person you could give your life for
you've hurt beyond anything else.
apologies dont work.
there's no point in you wallowing in guilt and sorrow
and self-hatred.
what is done is done.
the only soothing hope is to be forgiven.
or maybe not.
hide from the world.
that doesn't help either.
pray and pray.
the wounds might heal someday.

Three-hour-picnic.

Its funny what you can do when you have three hours to kill on a college day. For instance, one day seemed perfect for this.
The day started with URay's class, which is usually interesting...and next it is one of the strangest teachers who we affectionately call Razzles class. Here's the thing about Razzles. He is a very good teacher, and at least encourages debates in our class unlike our previous teacher who read out series of 'political narratives' and refused to hear out any arguements or debates and had interesting pronunciations.
However Razzles has an evil side which overshadows everything else. He takes classes relentlessly. And on this tuesday he insisted on taking three classes in one shot. This gave me goosepimples as i can't take him more than once a day.
So after his first class, there was a break luckily. So we basked in the sunny gazebo, and then I mildly suggested to Anan that we skive off Razzles next class. Anan agreed instantly, though Tani looked dubious and convinced that we were a bad influence on her. Honestly speaking, it didn't take much to convince Tani to skive off Razzles class as she was secretly dying to anyway. However Diva got trapped in the class, so in a furious series of smses, we told her to say she had a headache and skip off. (Aren't we baaaaaaaaad? ;) ) So Diva did so, and the three of us sat in the backlawns and watched random videos. Then Tani and Diva suddenly realized that they were confronted with a deadly history project-presentation and so they ran.
Anan and I were wondering what to do for three hours- as Anan had a carpool at 4. So after a crazy shooting of my weird ideas, we finally agreed to go to Dilli Hart-for the Momos.
Now here's the thing. Ever since I came to college, I have had a terrible obsession with momos. Especially non-veg momos...and Dilli Hart momos took me to the seventh heavens. In the shop, we asked for pepsi, and we were politely told to sit. Even when Anan called out for the momos, the shopkeepers seemed rather keen that we sit down.
And then the momos came.
They...were...DIVINE.
Chicken momos were so good, so delicious, that I swear both of us were lost in deep thought while eating them. And after a few minutes, we discussed another thing which was a passion for both of us- Phantom of the Opera. Phantoms and Momos. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.
Then Anan took me to the Bengali shop and she bought me fish fry and mishti doi, which again transported me to cloud 9. Honestly, Abhi is right. I DO love food. :P
We returned to college, lightheaded and happy. In a exalted state we tried casting Harry Potter spells on each other, and we started laughing about Voldemort. Just as we were laughing, we saw the bush shaking, and we could hear the noise of the aeroplane.
Our imaginations went wild, and we nervously clutched each other in shock and panic for ten seconds. Then we recovered our powers of speech and burst out laughing at ourselves and our hyper imaginations.

Illusions and disillusions

Sorry I have had no time at all for the last two months...college, work, projects which never finished, and looming assignments. So I snatched a little bit of free time that I do have.
I dont know if anyone will understand this entry...because I am not sure if I will phrase it right.
Hopes, dreams, aspirations. Beautiful words which sound wonderful in literary works. Lets face it- these words are put down in real life. When you have high hopes, you dream. You dream and dream of better things, dreams which become rosy and again I will use the world beautiful-and then sometimes reality comes back and gives you a whack in the face, and you are just surrounded by fragments.
This is a cynics point of view. I personally believe, that if you hope, you dream, and you make something out of it. Contrary to what people say....there are happy endings. The concept of happy endings appears far-fetched and unrealistic to many, but I believe that they exist. It's out there somewhere. I have always preferred to look at the rosiness of life, and that you can always make your way out of a sticky situation.
I have been proved wrong many times too. Life has a darker thorny side too, and you get to face that side too. In my dark moments I have also believed that it is wrong to hope, to expect, to wish for anything. Even if its five minutes, I have also believed that life is cold, brutal and nothing can right can come out of it.
But I bounce back again.
I know, things seem bad, awful and terrible sometimes. People who you thought you could easily depend on, trust more than anything else can turn around and hurt you. The world isn't filled with people like that...there are those who will do anything to make you smile.
This entry is mixed and jumbled up. I am not even sure the reader understood what I am trying to get across!!

Just a few words...

I know my poems are slightttttly repetitive. ill change that soon. ill try to write happy poems.

am NOT a cynic.

Coward, rebel and passive

so lets see whether i can write a song. lets see, right?? if it doesnt work, well...we'll stick to poetry.

they look, they ask, they question
they say, they judge, they want
they change, they state, they hurt
and she cowers, she lies, she changes
she breaks, she manipulates, she murmurs...
nothing happens...nothing changes...
its all the same
its all the same
they dont change
they have changed her.


she's different, she fights, she reiterates
who is to say she is weak?
warring for interpretations
a sense of justice, she curses
those who hurt
in times of need
have sown the seed
anger, fury, hatred
anger fury, hatred.
a fire that can't be doused
a chant that wont extinguish

she is indifferent
she is passive
she cares not more, not less
waves could engulf her in a sweep
she'll be composed
crying, heartbreaks, a broken mother
would not stir her
its her world, its her right
she'll look beyond it all
she won't care.
they don't affect her.

Roads, people, and strange men.

So the first day of college was a complete waste. No teacher turned up, and Anan and I were wondering what on earth we should do. Anandi had to wait till 3 for her car pool, and I could wait the entire day considering the fact I live within spitting distance.
The idea of momos popped into our hungry heads, and we thought no further. Momos-one delicious item without which life was flat. Especially, from our haunt-Cafe Brown Sugar.
We hopped off spiritedly from college. Anan whispered to me rather hastily to hail an auto, as apparently she could never hail autos. To say the least, I was confused by the statement. All you have to do is stick your hand out and an auto will zoom in front of you. So I lived up to my worthy reputation of hailing an auto...and the typical arguement of getting the price down from 30 to Rs. 25. Finally the auto driver gave up, maybe because he really needed the money, or he realized that he couldn't fight more with two young college students who were pretending to be agressive.
On that un-sunny day, we strolled through a rather empty M block market. I had never seen M block empty before, and this was as surprising as snow in Delhi. Anan had to look for warm-wear, as she going to Harvard for her MUN. So we raided each shop, and inspected all the clothes. The ones which were warm and were practically good, had a stain on them, the others...were just plain hideous. It is interesting to observe the bright colours. It's as if well the creators had no sense of colour or organization and threw them all together.
I think we walked around the market twice, or thrice. An extremely loud-voiced woman banged into us, and even we were twenty feet away from her, her voice seemed to be ringing in our ears. One woman who was wiping the floor glared at me, as I stepped on what she had just cleaned up. I'm sure she must have cursed me.
Next, we decided to go to N block market. Well, I had a vague idea of the directions. So with a hazy map in my head, we took an entire round around M block, coming back to where we started. If Anandi could, she would have nailed my head to the clothes shop.
It was intriguing. I saw roads I had never seen before, and which I had never known existed. And then! The climax of our excursions.
While we were walking, we heard some pattering footsteps behind us. And before we could look behind, a man walked in front of us and said,
"Hiie...you know where the girls beauty parlour is? I have to put lipishtick and all..."
I kept a straight face and said very confidently a bunch of nonsensical syllables...I think I said something along the lines of, "yes, Kailash colony...N block...sorry I mean Kailash colony madonna!"
Anandi on the other hand avoided looking and said "haan haan...straight, straight.."
"Mujhe apne boyfriend se milna hai...is liye..." and he rattled off into explanations. We nodded, smiled and looked as if we were having the most insightful conversation.
He then cheerily skipped off.
For the next twenty minutes, Anan and I couldn't stop laughing.

Just what it isnt

everyone has their own demand
everyone screams their demands
you're too quiet, you talk too much
you dont eat, you eat too much
you dont care, you care too much
lets believe what we see,
lets not believe what is true
sit down be quiet
who are you?
what is your value
what is your identity?
what do you want?
what are your thoughts?
oh, we dont care.
lets not care what hurts you
lets not care what makes you bleed
as if we care when you cry
as if we care when you laugh
as if we care about you, at all.
scream as much as you want
for your accursed soul.
it wont silence us.

Memorable conversations...till date!

Me: your father is a chartered accountant.
Soumya: I think so...too.

Soumya: I'm going to sinagpore.
Me: by plane?

Shine: oh I love the movie UP!
Me: I haven't seen it, but you should see Bolt!
Shine:Yeah I know! That's also about dogs right?
(next time)
Shine: oh you must see the movie UP!
Me: I haven't seen it, but you should see Bolt!
Shine: I know! The dog-thing...
(next!)
Shine: Oh you must see the movie UP!
Me: I know! But you should see Bolt!
Shine: Yeah i will!
(after six times)
Shine: Do you realize we have had this conversation a million times?

Abhi: You know how I like sitting by myself and thinking right?
Me: yeah...
Abhi: So I was just sitting by myself the other day...and thinking about the world...wouldn't it just collapse if I didn't exist?

Soumya and I: Law of bluenose: a bluenose remains blue till something smashes into it.

Anandi; Maybe you are bicurious.
me (rather intrigued): whats bicurious?
Anandi: my friend once told me that bicurious is when you're not going to have sexual relations with another person, you are just curious about their sexuality. what the hell am I talking about?

karan (to me): so you live alone?
akanksha: no, she lives with two parents, nine puppies and a dog named phoebe!

me (in a sad message to Shine) : hey :(
shine: yeah whats up!
me: i miss you...
shine: right backatcha buddy!

me (to soumya): I'm writing a trilogy of four books.
soumya: yeah...right...

me: soumya, i miss you so much! come back soon, i really really miss you.
soumya: yeah...so anyway!

me: he's so caring...so sensitive...and he carries a scent in a bottle.

Virtual interview with James Lafferty

Well I find that my blog is complete, if I dont explain who James Lafferty is. eeep!!!!!!!!
James Lafferty is...well the most good-looking celebrity I have ever seen, he has the most amazing charisma, he has a gorgeous voice...he is a brilliant actor...*swoon*.
So here is an imagined interview with my favourite celebrity of all time: (NOTE: THIS IS IF I GO CRAZY!)

(James Lafferty enters, and I show him a seat. I almost trip in the process)
Me: Have a seat. So today, I'm going to be interviewing the hottest sensation in town-James Lafferty!
(James smiles uncomfortably. Weird interviewer!)
Me: so James, tell me. How was acting in One Tree Hill changed your life?
James: It had been a wonderful experience, and I wish to continue working there-and
(I cut him off)
Me: so is it easy being the handsomest, nicest, best actor around?
(James looks longingly at the window. He wishes to jump out)
James ( grins embarassedly) I wouldn't know what to say....I think of myself as a decent actor...
Me (uncontrollably giggly): Modesty is one of your charms! You are my favourite actor!
(James smiles painfully)
James: That's nice...
Me (accusingly): Are the rumours about you and Sophia Bush true? Are you actually dating her?
( James grimaces)
James: No.
Me: Oh good! Because Chad Michael Murray said you were. And if you didn't know, she is Chad's ex-wife.
James: I am well aware of that. Considering I have worked with both for six years.
Me:Oh, you truly are a professional actor. I respect you, and I think you are the best.
James: Thank you...I better leave.
Me: No, no! I am not done yet. Are you on facebook? Can I add you?
James: I'm sorry, my profile cannot be viewed by strangers.
Me: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh. That's so sad.
James: Bye-bye.
Me: Oh, If I didn't say so already, I think you are a wonderful actor! And the handsomest!
James: You did. Goodbye.

The imagined interview flopped. But assuming, I keep my cool, calm and composure-it shouldn't be such a disaster!
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. He is just too good to be true.

Murder on his mind

So after leaving Citywalk, I argued with the first auto I could find. I brought the price to a reasonable 45 rs, considering that was all I actually had. So the rollercoaster journey started.
Usually, in autos I sit in the middle of the seat and observe my surroundings. This time, the driver didn't let me. He zoomed off at such a speed that I fell to one side, clutching on for dear life. My surroundings were a blurry haze of grey, green and blue. And I could see my shawl flapping in the wind. Just as I tried to hold on to the shawl, the auto-driver as if posessed by a demon swooshed and went forcefully over the speed breaker on the road. I grabbed the flailing shawl, and wrapped myself tightly as I was afraid that I might fly out with the shawl.
He zig-zagged as if he was playing Need For Speed in a video game. I almost wanted to explain politely the difference between a video game and reality. In a video game, if your car is upside down, within 5 seconds you are put back on track. In reality, if your car is crashed to one side, well get your obituary ready.
Not to mention, it was an extremely cold day. My teeth were practically chattering as the cold wind seemed to have merciless joy in hitting me hard.
Then came the climax of the journey.
There was a wall ahead of us. As if some power was possessing him, he headed straight towards the wall. I wanted to scream, but my voice seemed to be on AWOL. Mentally, I said a bye-bye to my family, Shine, Abhi and Soumya.
And then!
He took a sharp turn which made me fall to the other side. I would have fallen out if I hadn't gripped the railing in time. The auto-driver turned around and gave me a smile. His two front-teeth were missing. I was close to making sure that all his teeth would be missing by the time I was done with the journey.
I stopped a hundred metres away from my house, partly from fear that he might crash into the gates. When I got off, I got my breath and sanity back and paid him 40 Rs. I sued him 5 Rs. from practically trying to kill me.
What a journey!