Thursday, March 25, 2010

Linda- The Ultimate Destination

"Madhuri, what would you like to eat?”
Madhuri looked sulkily back and told Anand,
“We’re so late. We were meant to be here one hour earlier.”
“It’s not my fault that my mother didn’t know how to use the television. I had to explain it to her.” Anand said rather irritated.
“Well thanks to your explaining, it’s almost eleven o’ clock. I’m really hungry!” Madhuri said impatiently.
“Relax. I’ve heard waiters in the Taj Hotel are extremely fast. And stop acting so childish, what example are you setting for Diya?”
Madhuri was subdued. She looked at her five year old daughter cheerfully talking to a spoon and a fork. She sighed. Diya would never grow up. At the age of twenty, she would still talk to unanimated objects.
“That’s my child-wife.” Anand said pleased with his blackmail.
Madhuri laughed. She could never stay angry with Anand for a long time.
She looked at her watch again. It was almost eleven. She was dying to go to her hotel room and sleep peacefully. Tomorrow their vacation would end, and she would have to return to dreary Delhi and be content with teaching hyper six year olds.
The Taj restaurant looked as jazzy and glamorous as she had imagined. There were sparkly lights on the ceiling, and the place had been decorated so lavishly it looked like a bulb explosion.
She observed the tiny specks of dust on the carpet, the golden hands of the clock ticking away to glory, and she noticed that one bulb was flickering. The cool atmosphere of the restaurant made her feel drowsy.
Tick tock. Tick tock. The hands of the clock kept ticking.
It was a wonderful idea of Anand‘s to take them here for dinner. A dinner she would perhaps never forget.
Tick Tock. Tick tock. The ticking was beginning to annoy her.
She twisted the handkerchief around her fingers and listened to Anand ordering fried fish and chips and a glass of coke for her. She smiled. Anand knew her choice. He always did.
Suddenly everything seemed a little too quiet. The occasional chinks of forks and knives had stopped, and she felt that there was an eerie silence. A silence which seemed to indicated a noise that would never stop.
Tick Tock. Tick Tock. It was eleven.
“Why is everything so sil-” she started. She never got to complete the sentence.
There was a massive explosion in the next room. The noise was so jarring that Diya started wailing immediately.
Whatever happened next seemed like a complete swirl. People rushed here and there, while her legs seemed to be lead. She could feel Anand ‘s strong hold on her arm and him saying,
“Madhuri, we have to go!”
For a brief second she caught a glimpse of his face. His expression was so deathly pale, and there was fear and tension etched in every corner of his face. He was carrying a crying Diya, and trying to push her along as well.
Life sprang back into her legs and she rushed along with Anand. A sea-fog mist of pure fear had clutched her heart, and she could barely breathe. They made their way to the entrance among a hundred other hapless souls.
Just as they got out, Anand stumbled and fell.
“Anand! Diya!” She screamed.
She tried to come back, but the people in their stampede pushed her forward. The Taj staff were issuing instructions as quickly as they could. She numbly heard the word ‘terrorists’ and ‘four’, but she couldn’t put them together. All she could see was Anand trying to get up along with Diya, but he was unsuccessful. The force of the stampede was too strong.
And the terrorists came.
She saw it through the opposite window. She didn’t know how she made it through the choking smoke, or how she was even living. She was seeing the gunmen snuffing out lives with bullets.
They did the same to Anand and Diya.
She stood at the window and watched. Her entire body was cold and numb. She saw the terrorists mercilessly shooting Anand and then hitting Diya on the head with the rifle.
She felt nothing.
She felt utterly weightless.
The happy life of six years had been shattered with a bunch of bullets. Everything she had lived for and loved so completely had been taken away with hardcore ammunition. Her entire life had been wrenched away from her.
She continued watching though. She saw Anand giving up the lost war and lying in his pool of blood. Diya had been thrown aside, of course.
Anand saw her. He closed his eyes.
And life closed for her.
She didn’t know what happened next. In fact, she didn’t know that she had been forcefully taken to another room. She didn’t know that she was hiding in the bathroom with six others. She didn’t know when the NSG team came two days later and she was evacuated. She vaguely remembered a fresh breeze and rustling leaves. She didn’t recollect the cameras and the shrieking reporters.
All she remembered was collapsing on hard concrete with a dry sob.

“It’s as if she drew open the curtain and found herself in a new world…” Aashima said, with red eyes. She cast a nervous glance at the red door. It wasn’t opening.
“She says she’s with whom?” Rhea said wearily.
“She’s sitting with Anand and Diya.” Said Aashima starting to cry again.
Sure enough, that’s what Madhuri was doing. She was smiling, laughing, and talking to precisely no one. But in her mind, there was a very clear image of Anand teasing her, and Diya sitting in the corner.
“Linda is a beautiful place, Anand! I love it!” She said enthusiastically. She could hear Anand‘s laugh and him saying,
“It’s only for you, Madhuri!”
Diya ‘s little chuckles echoed all around. Suddenly those chuckles turned into repeated shrieks of anguish, which rang through Madhuri‘s skin like fire. She started running in the direction of the crying and screaming,
“Diya! DIYA! Its okay, Mummy’s here!”
She couldn’t find Diya. She groped the ground in fright, and hit it hard. She pounded her fists against the floor and then hit the wall hard. She kept beating the wall, till she saw blood on her hands. Her hands shook and she stepped back and burst into wild sobs.
She felt strong arms around her and she said gratefully,
“Madhuri, it’s me! There’s no Anand, there’s no Diya, and there’s no place called Linda!”
Madhuri burst into a wild shriek of laughter. The voices in her head could be so funny. If there was no place called Linda, where was she?
She felt someone shake her hard. She saw a white-faced Rhea staring at her with red eyes and saying,
“I’m Rhea! Your sister!”
“Oh yeah.” Nodded Madhuri as if she was hearing that for the first time. Madhuri smiled and said,
“Glad you came to Linda. It’s an ancient Greek city.”
“There’s no place called Linda, Madhuri!”
Then Madhuri spotted the blood on her hands. Disturbing images swished through her mind….Anand lying dead somewhere….gunshots….and she collapsed on the floor and burst into fits.
Rhea summoned the doctor next-door who gave Madhuri and injection. Madhuri fell unconscious immediately.

Madhuri got up drearily. She was in an extravagant suite in Linda. Anand had just gone to get her a cup of coffee, and Diya was sitting in one corner playing with a torn-up teddy bear.
Linda was a beautiful place. It made her…feel…free. It gave her a sense of a strange freedom, a queer exotic pleasure which she couldn’t explain away.
She looked out of the window. Her eyes were rather bad, she thought. She could only see blurry images of beautiful mansions and buildings. She turned around and found that even Diya seemed slightly hazy.
Madhuri rubbed her eyes. She couldn’t see Diya anymore. The cold fear clutched her heart and she scanned the room wildly for Diya. Then she saw Diya toddling around the room, trailing her teddy bear on the floor. Her babyish laughs echoed around the room. Madhuri sighed with relief. She then heard a female voice. It sounded like Rhea.
“There is no hope, Aashima. She needs severe psychiatric treatment before she does more harm to herself!”
Madhuri tried to listen to what Aashima was saying. But she couldn’t. Aashima‘s words seemed incoherent and distant. What were they doing in Linda anyway? It was not even their vacation.
The words sank into her like slow knives. Psychiatric treatment. They thought that she was crazy. Why would they think that? She had to talk to Anand about it.
Anand came up to her and said in a singsong voice,
“No coffee today. Why do you look so stricken?”
Madhuri clutched him in panic and said,
“They want to take me for psychiatric treatment!”
Again Anand had the same white expression.
“Now, now Madhuri. You don’t need that, you know. Come on now. I’m going to take you for a lovely walk.”
Madhuri smiled through her tears and said to the laughing child sitting in the corner.
“Come, Diya.”
She could strongly feel Diya clinging to her finger. Anand hugged her tightly and gave her a light kiss on the forehead.
He held her hand and walked ahead. The place suddenly changed, and she saw a beautiful temple.
“Now let’s walk up these steps!”
She walked on the steps. With each step she took, she felt even more liberated and at ease. She didn’t need any psychiatry. She just needed her husband and daughter with her.
She could vaguely hear a shriek coming from far away.
“Madhuri! You’re on the edge of the parapet! Come away!”
“Just one more step.” Anand gently reminded her.
She took that one more step. She disregarded all the shrieks and cries. She could just feel Anand‘s warm hand on hers, and Diya clinging on to her finger.
At last, she was free.

Reasons why I won't date Edward Cullen:

1) The guy's eyes keep changing colour. Freakish enough.

2)He is absolutely white, and his face is stone cold. If I dated him, I would be always worried whether he has a chronicle illness.

3) He doesn't eat. So what's the point? Everytime he takes me out to dinner, I have to enjoy the food alone while he stares with 'his magical topaz eyes'?

4)I am dead clumsy. So I will keep falling and hurting myself, and end up with bleeding bruises...and that just might push the vampire in him over the edge.

5) 'Before you, my life was like a cloudless night. Then you shot across like a meteor, there was brilliancy, there was light. When you left, there was just darkness." Nope, I am not dating a guy who compares me to a molten rock in a cheesy way.

6) He growls. I think I hear enough of that from my dog, Phoebe.

7) I'm a mortal. I will grow older. a vampire. And he will be stuck at seventeen. Can't keep on dating when I'm sixty.

8) I DONT want my mind to be continuously read!

9) He leaves sappy love notes. 'I have gone...but I've left my heart with you. Take care of it.' No, I just might slam it in the microwave!

10) I DETEST him.

The Ideal Wedding

So here this is my idea of an interesting wedding. This is the good part of imaginations, you can do whatever you want, there is no law preventing you from doing so.

Why must she wear the typical white gown, or in Indian cases a red sari? If I was organizing a wedding...I would say she should wear a stunning emerald-green dress. And she doesn't have to be heavily decked with jewellery either. She can simply wear a necklace, and let her hair loose. No veils needed. And she can wear glass slippers...(I'm inspired by Cinderella). Tinted glass, I would say.

OK, he can just wear a black leather jacket (I have always had a fascination for them!!!), and a white shirt inside. And normal-looking trousers.

There should be at least six bridesmaids. The Bride would feel bad if one of her best friends was left out of the rituals or ceremonies.
So basically...the wedding would go like this:
Firstly, the wedding would take place...out in the open. In the woods, beneath a secure bough. There should be purple flowers all around, and the sun's rays peeping through the branches. And no shooing away the little squirrels, if there are any.
I've always had a fascination for squirrels. In the Ideal Wedding, I think the squirrels should stand in line and throw the flowers.
The wedding should just take two minutes. And then the birds should chirp away merrily.
A wedding where you just promise to be there forever.
For the food list...there should be a mixture of everything...except chinese food. I hate chinese, and not even in my wildest imaginations can I like it. :O
-Lemon Meringue
_Chocolate Fudge
-Ice Cream Cake

And in the background, Coldplay should be playing Viva La Vida.

Ideal Wedding. Too Ideal?!

Something in the air...that night.

this month has short hell.
but the past one year...has been...interesting. as I said, for the last 12 months, i have loved so many things.
but cynicism and irritation has worn off...and i feel...things are going to be different.
and different in the nice way.
there have been certain things that I have wished heartily for...and they have happened.
for these few minutes i have been pondering...and I feel...things will be...for lack of a better word...nice.
my happy feelings have returned. and again i feel as if i see flowers blooming all around me, and the wind blowing gently.
life doesn't seem like a whirlpool, or a bed of thorns anymore. there are few people who love you more than anything else lurking around bushes. i guess its upto us to hunt them down and find them.
i know i sound crazy...perhaps insane. but i feel it in me.
things are going to different. its just something in the air i feel.
things will be different...for me...for the ones who i care most about...especially.
it will be.

PS- if its not dark poetry, its insane happiness. what can I say to defend myself? :P

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Lets Get Lyrical.

Here are some songs which I feel are really apt. so thought I will put them down.

(Fix you)
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

(Over my head)
Inever knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears

So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention, do you?
I know you don't listen to me
'Cause you say you see straight through me
Don't you?

But on and on
From the moment I wake
To the moment I sleep
I'll be there by your side
Just you try and stop me
I'll be waiting in line
Just to see if you care

Oh, did you want me to change?
Well I'd change for good
And I want you to know that you'll always get your way
And I wanted to say

Don't you shiver
Don't you shiver
I'll sing it loud and clear
And I'll always be waiting for you

(crash and burn)
Let me be the one you call,
If you jump i'll break your fall,
Lift you up and fly away into the night.
If you need to fall apart,
I can mend a broken heart,
If you need to crash then crash and burn,
You're not alone.

You called me strong, you called me weak ]
but still your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times I
never let you down
You stumbled in and bumped your head, if
not for me then you'd be dead
I picked you up and put you back
on solid ground

If I go crazy then will you still
call me Superman
If I'm alive and well, will you be
there holdin' my hand
I'll keep you by my side with
my superhuman might

(Yesterday once more) MY FAVOURITE!

When I was young
I'd listened to the radio
Waitin' for my favorite songs
Waiting they played I'd sing along
It made me smile
Those were such happy times
And not so long ago
How I wondered where they'd gone
But they're back again
Just like a long lost friend
All the songs I loved so well

(*) Every Sha-la-la-la
Every Wo-wo-wo
Still shines
Every shing-a-ling-a-ling
That they're starting to sing's
So fine

When they get to the part
Where he's breakin' her heart
It can really make me cry
Just like before
It's yesterday once more

(Friends forever) another one of my favourites.

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can we ever find a job that won't interfere with a tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

Repeat 1

La, la, la, la…
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la…
We will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

its a wonder how we can express ourselves through songs :D

Monday, March 22, 2010

Fire! Fire!

Okay. I am losing every ounce of sanity I have.
So this entry...99.99% won't make sense. Though I will feel better and relieved after venting on a poor hapless little page.
I have exams coming soon also.

Fire fire fire everywhere.
its smoky and dusty all around.
i landed myself in this fire on my account.
because i was careless.
crazy, childish and gullible.
now that I have danced into it.
I threw away everything which mattered.
i brought upon the fire.
i called it.
my fault, my mistake.
no time for mistakes.
i just see a fiery smoky horizon.
-let the smoke vanish.
i might be able to breathe again.

am so sorry little blogger. i will be sane again soon. :D

Sunday, March 21, 2010

The Whirlpool

Have you ever seen a whirlpool? doesn't it frighten you? You look at how 'whirlish' and how it swivels around. You accidentally venture into it, and there. You are sucked into it.
How much can you struggle in a whirlpool? How much willpower do you have to fight it and get out of it? Unless someone tries to help out by handing over a stick to you.
Now I am not talking about whirlpools out of mere love of them. I am trying to bring out a comparison between a whirlpool and life's darkest situations.
You walk into the worst situations possible. And before you it you've been drawn into the sinful little whirlpools. It depends- sometimes you can't fight it off. The pressures overcome you, and you almost succumb to the whirling.
Unless you spot your own way to survival.
In some situations, if you are extremely lucky, a person will be there to help you out. A person who will struggle with you to get you out.
Thats a rare scenario.
Because there are very few people willing to do that. Very few.
You might just have to hold on tightly, and push your way through.
its hard, you might not succeed.
But you never might just.
whirlpools are strong. but if you can fight it, you are the strongest.

PS-my comparisons and profound sensibilities are quite bizarre, aren't they :P

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Split seconds

its funny what all can happen in a split second.
you misjudge, you act impulsive,
you dont think.
and there.
you've ruined a person's life.
you've broken someone's trust.
the deed is done,
you've hurt someone.
maybe the person you care most about
maybe a person you could give your life for
you've hurt beyond anything else.
apologies dont work.
there's no point in you wallowing in guilt and sorrow
and self-hatred.
what is done is done.
the only soothing hope is to be forgiven.
or maybe not.
hide from the world.
that doesn't help either.
pray and pray.
the wounds might heal someday.

Sunday, March 7, 2010


Its funny what you can do when you have three hours to kill on a college day. For instance, one day seemed perfect for this.
The day started with URay's class, which is usually interesting...and next it is one of the strangest teachers who we affectionately call Razzles class. Here's the thing about Razzles. He is a very good teacher, and at least encourages debates in our class unlike our previous teacher who read out series of 'political narratives' and refused to hear out any arguements or debates and had interesting pronunciations.
However Razzles has an evil side which overshadows everything else. He takes classes relentlessly. And on this tuesday he insisted on taking three classes in one shot. This gave me goosepimples as i can't take him more than once a day.
So after his first class, there was a break luckily. So we basked in the sunny gazebo, and then I mildly suggested to Anan that we skive off Razzles next class. Anan agreed instantly, though Tani looked dubious and convinced that we were a bad influence on her. Honestly speaking, it didn't take much to convince Tani to skive off Razzles class as she was secretly dying to anyway. However Diva got trapped in the class, so in a furious series of smses, we told her to say she had a headache and skip off. (Aren't we baaaaaaaaad? ;) ) So Diva did so, and the three of us sat in the backlawns and watched random videos. Then Tani and Diva suddenly realized that they were confronted with a deadly history project-presentation and so they ran.
Anan and I were wondering what to do for three hours- as Anan had a carpool at 4. So after a crazy shooting of my weird ideas, we finally agreed to go to Dilli Hart-for the Momos.
Now here's the thing. Ever since I came to college, I have had a terrible obsession with momos. Especially non-veg momos...and Dilli Hart momos took me to the seventh heavens. In the shop, we asked for pepsi, and we were politely told to sit. Even when Anan called out for the momos, the shopkeepers seemed rather keen that we sit down.
And then the momos came.
Chicken momos were so good, so delicious, that I swear both of us were lost in deep thought while eating them. And after a few minutes, we discussed another thing which was a passion for both of us- Phantom of the Opera. Phantoms and Momos. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.
Then Anan took me to the Bengali shop and she bought me fish fry and mishti doi, which again transported me to cloud 9. Honestly, Abhi is right. I DO love food. :P
We returned to college, lightheaded and happy. In a exalted state we tried casting Harry Potter spells on each other, and we started laughing about Voldemort. Just as we were laughing, we saw the bush shaking, and we could hear the noise of the aeroplane.
Our imaginations went wild, and we nervously clutched each other in shock and panic for ten seconds. Then we recovered our powers of speech and burst out laughing at ourselves and our hyper imaginations.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Illusions and disillusions

Sorry I have had no time at all for the last two, work, projects which never finished, and looming assignments. So I snatched a little bit of free time that I do have.
I dont know if anyone will understand this entry...because I am not sure if I will phrase it right.
Hopes, dreams, aspirations. Beautiful words which sound wonderful in literary works. Lets face it- these words are put down in real life. When you have high hopes, you dream. You dream and dream of better things, dreams which become rosy and again I will use the world beautiful-and then sometimes reality comes back and gives you a whack in the face, and you are just surrounded by fragments.
This is a cynics point of view. I personally believe, that if you hope, you dream, and you make something out of it. Contrary to what people say....there are happy endings. The concept of happy endings appears far-fetched and unrealistic to many, but I believe that they exist. It's out there somewhere. I have always preferred to look at the rosiness of life, and that you can always make your way out of a sticky situation.
I have been proved wrong many times too. Life has a darker thorny side too, and you get to face that side too. In my dark moments I have also believed that it is wrong to hope, to expect, to wish for anything. Even if its five minutes, I have also believed that life is cold, brutal and nothing can right can come out of it.
But I bounce back again.
I know, things seem bad, awful and terrible sometimes. People who you thought you could easily depend on, trust more than anything else can turn around and hurt you. The world isn't filled with people like that...there are those who will do anything to make you smile.
This entry is mixed and jumbled up. I am not even sure the reader understood what I am trying to get across!!