Saturday, May 10, 2014

Never sunset.

"Let's go out today?" I said rather nervously. I twisted the tissue around my finger, almost strangling it.
"I'm busy today." He said rather flatly.
"I can help you." I said, my over-eagerness showing itself again.
"I've already got help."
I understood what that meant. He walked away.
I sat down on the chair. I put my head on the table and closed my searing eyes.

We were lying down on the grass, near the stream. It was always sunrise, never sunset. I could breathe easily here. 
It was my place to sit and dream. Everything was serene...peaceful...I, was peaceful, for one. This was where I could live forever.
If only.
The wind blew gently, and my hair flew into my face. He gently pushed it back, something he hadn't done for a while. 
There was a silence, except for the gushing of the stream. I enjoyed this silence. Over here, it was never sunset. 
"How long do you want to stay here?" He said quietly.
"For...a while at least." I said, picking up some wild roses.
"You should go." he said, his eyes full of concern.
"I'm happiest here. It go back." I said. 
I had held the roses too tightly. The stems had thorns. My fingers showed angry red marks. But it didn't bleed. 
He smiled and said,
"That should be a hint, for you."
He held my hand tightly. The red marks vanished. 
"That's why I don't want to go back. Wounds don't vanish like that...over there." I said softly.
"Time will heal that. I wish I could. But I've inflicted too many." he said, staring into the distance.
"Why can't you?" I asked angrily.
"Because that's reality. This isn't." 
I had no answer to that. 
"Go back, please."
"Come back with me." 
"I'll be there."
"You won't be there. Not this you."
"Well that's what you have to face, dear."
"I can't. Not this time. Not again." I said, my voice breaking.
"This will hurt you more." 
"Why can't you be like this over there?"
"Because this isn't me." He said quietly. 
I didn't want to admit it. For the first time, it was getting hard to breathe well. The red marks were beginning to appear again. 
He said again with a change of tone,
"You need to face it."
"But I'm happy here."
"You're not. Look, it's sunset." 
And it was.