Wintry Concert

“Listen, listen listen listen listen listen! Let’s audition for the Winter Concert!” Devika said, practically screaming.
I had been too busy counting the number of listens. At the same time, I had been wondering what to buy for Ranjana’s birthday.
“What?” I asked perplexed
“Dude, there are posters all over the college! Lets audition for this! You and Ranjana audition for acting, I’ll try the singing!”
As much as I liked the idea, I got cold feet. I had suffered enough traumatic experiences regarding acting in street play, and now I felt like a nervous wreck when it came to acting. But still I decided I could try for it.
Well the Winter Concert…. proved to be quite something.
I was too lazy to learn something by heart and act it out. So, me being the lazy child I was, recited something I had recited a million times before. I remember the WMS’s president maintaining an absolutely blank expression. I tried to fathom her deadpan expressions, but no avail.
I lent Ranjana ‘A series of unfortunate events’ book, which she promptly read out. Our nightingale Devika sang Kal Ho na ho. (And after that, Devika was dragged off to sing for every concert in town :p )
So the three of us cracked the auditions. And then I realized that it was mostly singing, and that there was hardly any acting. So I decided to participate in the singing, as I liked the songs.
Now, it’s kind of obvious that some sort of chaos will occur when Devika and I are together. And we had to a sing neither-high-neither-low- part of the song ‘they don’t really care about us.’.
We had to sing in one high monotone.
So we started practice with great flourish. Now I couldn’t get the correct parts of the monotone, and I kept going unnecessarily low “Oooooooooooooooooooo” and Devika would unfortunately get carried off in that direction. Twice, thrice, our little group of neither-high-neither-lows were told gently that somewhere we were going off.
I tried mastering it. Till I mastered it, Devika decided to stick her fingers in her ears to try to get the tune right. It worked for her, but I was still in a low “oooooooooo”. I got it just about right a few days before the concert.
Our next hurdle was RESPECT. Now this song has the ability to make people (me, mostly) to forget the rest of the song.
There was a certain part of the song called “Suck it to me” which the four of us had to sing. And we had to sing this fast. I got into a delirium when singing this part, and I didn’t stop.
“Suck it to me Suck it to me Suck it to me Suck it to me Suck it to me
Suck it to me Suck it to me Suck it to me Suck it to me….”
“Lakshanaa…shhhhh.” Devika tried whispering.
When I finally stopped, I saw the WMS president looking at me with an astonished expression on her face.
“Only a few times. You don’t have to get into a fever.”
I wished that I was a fly on the wall.

And then our Ancient India teacher told us that she would give us an assignment. We pleaded, and told her to please let us give it along with the lucky MUNers, Tanya, Diva and Anandi. Didn’t work.
The unfortunate part was that this test was on the day of the Winter Concert.
At the same time, Devika and I were planning Ranjana’s birthday. See, this is what happens when everything coincides!
Our WMS president then gave an enlightening speech.
“All of you have practiced really well. Just get your costumes tomorrow, in case we have the concert. Most likely we might not have it tomorrow, we might have it on Monday.”
I almost dropped my bag. She had announced it so casually!
“So…we have to study for the test tomorrow…before that we need to get Ranjana’s gift ready…” Devika was trying to say calmly but I could see a massive Devika panic attack coming along.
“Let’s see, let’s see.”
So we grabbed the first unwilling cycle rickshaw to the market, bought a present, and wrapped it. We hurried back to our houses. I made Ranjana’s card. As I tried to print out pictures, I found that my printer had crashed. So I had to make do with my existing black and white ones. The purple card was ready.
Next, I had to get to study. Which of course I didn’t.
So next morning, I was bleary eyed and ‘wonky’ in Anandi’s words. And then, luck seemed to pour.
The test was an open-book one.
The Concert WAS taking place.
After writing the test, we moved swiftly to the auditorium. Apparently some drama had taken place there, as our WMS president had burst out crying.
I got into my costume, which involved a pair of hideously-coloured pajamas. I remember bitterly wishing to take them home and get it ripped by Phoebe.
For us, the Winter Concert was a lot of fun. Generally…it was a disaster. We messed up half the songs.
But I still loved it all the same. ^_^

The Ballad of Nothing

Devika was sitting with the sex workers in Bombay. I was sitting at TOI relaxing. And this is what we came up with.

I believe can fly
i believe i can touch the sky
then we will eat fish fry
and never ever cry
because fish fry is too dry
change the rhyme scheme to furry
yes I will but only if you hurry
dont worry we will have chicken curry
I miss my little teddy named furry
but furry is sitting with Marie!
but Marie said she'd be going to the dairy?
Uh oh. then where is beary?
I think he flew away with a fairy!
But that fairy is hairy!
Oh no, that wasn't a fairy, that was a king of strawberry!
Oh i heard that he killed Mister Berry!
i always knew he was a sinister scary
not that scary, if he's dating a fairy
i've heard them jive to the tunes of Katy perry
they kissed a girl just to try it
that led the strawberry king into a fit
he screamed, he yelled, he turned green
the fairy sat quietly and ate sola beans
stop changing the rhyming scheme so often,
its very mean
oh baby, I'm your Jay sean
but Jay Sean watches porn
now im torn
dont worry, our love is twice born
oh sweetheart lets go eat popcorn
ooh yeah and together see the sunny morn
oh after that we are so marrying Ron
I want Ron. You take John?
Okay no, you and me lying on a big green lawn
we will sit there till early dawn
after all ron and john are just pawns
wow that indeed a pretty picture drawn
yes indeed the vision is nice
but dont forget, john is scared of mice!
oh that indeed is a pitiable vice.
oh we should just kill them nice.
killing is cold. mean and hard like ice.
fine lets call naomi, she is as blonde as a blonde born twice!
she'd even lose a game as simple as dice!
that's naomi. she will never win a trip to miami!
oh poor poor naomi
she is such a freak, she thought i was greek!
one must not talk to her if one's heart is meek
but sleazy guys always take a peek
we should box them near the beak?
then they will squeak squeak
they will have to run to take a leak
our poem is epic, we make cool jobless aesthetics
absolutely true, is there hope for me as a paramedic?
oh sure there is. i will be your sidekick!
duh! you will be my one and only pick!
thatt makes me soo happy, i could fall sick!
oh no no, give the sickness a tight flick!
this poem is a record forever
it shows our worthy endeavours
absolutely it does, with all the manic fervour!
i gave it a flick, and the fairy who flew by was too thick
ooh! that flick sounded slick!
the fairy was angry, the fairy was mad.
then she exploded into bits
and that was so sad.

Lyrics.

here are the lyrics of some songs which I like. again, its amazing how you can describe so much through music

(its been a hard days night lyrics)
t's been a hard day's night, and I've been working like a dog
It's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log
But when I get home to you I find the things that you do
Will make me feel alright

You know I work all day to get you money to buy you things
And it's worth it just to hear you say you're gonna give me everything
So why on earth should I moan, 'cause when I get you alone
You know I feel okay


(Like a man possessed lyrics)

I go on forever
Older burns are overturned
My life for worse or better
I'm just craving for a cure

Like a man possessed
A requiem
We're singing

Hide the misdemeanors
Never lead an open life
My hands were never cleaner
Not a trace for you to find


Like a man possessed
A requiem
We're singing

Say it, does it show?
Is this test in any other time?
I know, but I don't
I'm blind in every other eye
Cold hands, colder smoke
We sleep anywhere we lie
You're lying if you don't
I'll try, I'll try


(my sacrifice lyrics)
Hello my friend, we meet again
It's been awhile, where should we begin?
Feels like forever
Within my heart are memories
Of perfect love that you gave to me
Oh, I remember

When you are with me, I'm free
I'm careless, I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My sacrifice

We've seen our share of ups and downs
Oh how quickly life can turn around
In an instant
It feels so good to reunite
Within yourself and within your mind
Let's find peace there

I just want to say hello again
I just want to say hello again

(waiting on the sun lyrics)
I'm going nowhere and I'm going to take my time
All the questions in the world
I can leave in my mind
I'm waiting on the sunshine, the sunshine

I'm waiting for answers
I'm waiting to figure it out
I took all my chances
I slipped through my town

(bittersweet symphony. im putting the whole song down, as i love it so much!)

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah

No change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
But I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,no,no,no,no,no(fading away)

Well I never pray
But tonight I'm on my knees yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now

No change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
I can't change
I can't change it

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
Trying to find some money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah

You know I can't change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no

I can't change my mind
no, no, no, no, no,
I can't change
Can't change my body,
no, no, no

I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
That you've ever been down
That you've ever been down

(paint the silence...i love the lyrics!)
How can you say your life is empty?
So late in the day
Why would you stay another second?
Now your sight got in the way
A combination of love and aggression
Another second lived

Don't paint the silence black now save me
(Paint the silence)
Don't leave it a day
You got a right to stand or die so maybe
(Paint the silence)
You take chances all the same
Pain comes in stages, if we don't make it
Nothing changes

(colourblind lyrics)
I am color...blind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am
taffy stuck, tongue tied
Stuttered shook and uptight
Pull me out from inside

Escape route.

I want to be a hermit.
I'll go and settle in this forest.
i'll make a house of bamboo.

lets hope

lets not give up
lets not let go
so much left to live for
so much left to believe in
lets wish for the sunrise
lets bid farewell to the sunset
lets wait for the dark clouds to fade away
lets breathe
lets see the enchantment
lets wish for the rainbow
miracles exist
lets keep our faith strong
our resolution firm
lets not flutter
lets...believe.

lets live.
let not the roses die
let not the world darken
let our faith take us.
where we wish to go.
lets observe.
and lets stand still.

and we'll see the dawn.


stupid poem, but I needed to write something like this :p

Lila

I looked nervously at Lila. She seemed harmless right now.
She was sitting in one corner and singing 'Smoke on the water' to herself. I took a deep breath. I called out,
"Lila. We have guests today.'
'Oh thats good.' She replied indifferently.
'It's Ray. And his family. Remember Ray?'
'I went to school with him, Mom. Of course I would remember him.' She snapped.
There was a silence.
'We have to meet them. Me, and you. Only you..'
She got up instantly and looked at me with blazing eyes.
'Who else are you thinking of?'
'N-n-no one.' I stammered instantly.
Lila glowered at me and walked off. And then I heard a door bang.
I walked to the balcony and smelt the fresh air. It seemed scented, it had a relaxed feel to it...in contrast to the dull heavy atmosphere of tension centered inside the small flat. I looked down at the street and saw little children laughing and playing. The sound of laughter echoed. At first it seemed pleasant, and then it became so jarring and painful that i rushed back inside the flat. My eyes burned and I felt so sick with envy and jealousy of all those mothers who could watch their children have a delightful childhood. It was horrible, it was unjust. There was no God. If there were, he would have never let this happen to Lila and me.
Which mother is frightened of talking to their daughter?
I was.
Sometimes tragedy doesn't 'appear', if I may use the word in one go. It can be like a stealthy snake winding its way into your life and spreading its poison slowly.
Lila's father was the poison.
He became angry. He became frustrated. And he took out all this on Lila.
He became prone to bursts of insanity. Lila was the victim of it.
Sometimes I looked at other families and observed. The husband would come back exhausted from work, the wife would give him some food and they would discuss their day. Then they would sit with their children and talk all night long.
What happened with us was quite a different case. Lila's father would kick the door open, greet Lila and me with a volley of abuses and then settle down in the living room.
I learnt later what used to happen when I wasn't home. Sometimes he used to come home when I wasn't there.
I'll explain in few words. He attacked her at any point he could. With Knives, with fire. And he would claim that she had hurt herself.
And then he set fire to the house.
Lila had managed to escape by then. He perished in his own flames.
I almost cried with relief.
And then, fourteen-year-old Lila changed.

"Why are you calling them over?" Lila asked.
"Mrs. Desmond has been asking for a long time to see us. I can't keep refusing and making excuses." I said quietly.
"I didn't ask you to make excuses. Why can't you simply say you don't want them to come because you think your daughter is mad?" Lila yelled.
"You're not mad, Lila!"
Lila laughed mirthlessly.
"Really? You're afraid to have company. You're afraid of what will happen if I meet people. You're afraid. You think I'm going to behave the way I did...last time granny came home. You made sure I never got close to anyone!"
"I am not. I stopped having people over because you told me not to!"
"Rubbish. Then explain. If you're not humiliated, why have we shifted to a remote corner of the world where none of our relatives can sniff us out and irritate us?"
"It's peaceful here." I replied weakly.
"Again rubbish!" She said and hit the table.
"Calm down, please Lila."
"I pity you. Stuck with a daughter like me, and you can't even afford a psychiatrist! Remind me what happened last time Granny came home?" she said, her eyes filling with tears.
"No." I whispered.
She shook her head and said,
"You're right. You're absolutely right. We should not be reminded of it. I'm sorry...i'm sorry. I would do anything to prevent-"
"It's not your fault." I said.
"I can't blame anyone else, can I?" she said and left the room.

The dinner with Ray and his family was unexpectedly peaceful. The bitter and angry Lila had vanished, and a happy and cheerful girl had taken her place.
"My, Ginny. Lila has turned into a fine young girl. And what a beauty! Soon she'll be ready for marriage!" Mrs. Desmond said giving a wide smile in Ray's direction.
I nodded feebly. Lila's eyes became stony.
"When do you plan on getting her married?"
"She's only...twenty. She has time." I said hurriedly.
Lila was holding the glass too tightly. I said with a change of tone,
"So what is Ray doing now?"
The conversation then veered off in another direction, and Lila’s composure returned. As they were leaving, Ray said,
"I'll be giving you a call soon."
Lila smiled and said,
"Yes. Do so."
A pearl of sweat appeared on my brow.

The telephone calls between Ray and Lila started. From once a day, it became four times a day. He would drop in whenever he could. And then one day, I summoned enough courage to tell Lila.
"Please don't get too close..." I couldn't even complete the sentence, when she kicked the chair hard.
"I need people. I need to talk! And here's someone who is extremely close to me, and you want me to cut him out?"
"You're getting very interested in him..."
"Yes, I am. And he is too. You let me deal with my social life alone. For the first time, I actually feel close to someone. And you want to shut me up again?"
"Ray doesn't know!"
"What he doesn't know, won't hurt him!"
"What will happen if he ever lights fire? Or something else? Tell me!" I said and held Lila tightly.
"I'll make up something about a phobia!"
"What are you going to do about Anne?" I whispered.
Even Lila's knuckles turned white.
"She won't come back. I promise."

The meetings continued.
Anne didn't come back. Maybe she had left for good.
Then Ray proposed, and before I knew it, wedding preparations had already begun. The only thing which made happy was to see Lila's happy face and dancing eyes. It had been a long time since I had seen that.
Before the wedding night, Anne appeared.
Maybe it was the fire which triggered it.
I was careless. I was lighting a matchstick, forgetting Lila was still in the house. Lila walked in dancing at that point, and then when she saw the fire, she became Anne.
A ghostly look came into her eyes and she started trembling. She started screaming and banging her fists against the wall. she kicked out in fury. This was Anne...the traumatized remainder of Lila's past.
"Anne, Anne!" I cried out and rushed towards her. I threw some water on her, and she quietened instantly.
"I thought we had a deal, Ginny. I thought you wouldn't show fire to Lila. And that too before her wedding day? Ginny, Ginny. You're a far worse mother than I thought you were! You couldn't protect your own daughter when she was attacked by the monster you make her call father. You shut her up like an animal, you are humiliated because of her. You are afraid I might return. Like the time when her grandmother came. Now who will get married to Ray? Not me." Anne said, her mouth curling into a sneer.
"I kept Lila away, for her own good! What else could I do? I couldn't afford the psychiatrist! I don't deserve the blame, I don't. I have tried to be a good mother, I tried." I said taking Anne's scarred hands in mine.
"You haven't. I'm sure Lila knows it too." Anne hissed.
And then she collapsed.

i sang all night to a sleeping Lila. I caressed her hair, and gave her a forehead a light kiss. Anne was right. I had isolated Lila from everyone else.
The wedding took place in grand style. Weddings are so beautiful. The smiles, the laughs, and the music. Not to forget the flowers.
Lila was carrying a bunch of white roses. She had insisted on it, even though Mrs. Desmond wanted her to carry red. The white roses disturbed me. I had read somewhere that white roses meant 'love dead-love forsaken'.
The music continued. I almost felt at peace. Though I knew that something was terribly wrong.
I was letting my daughter get married to a person who had no idea about her disease.
This relationship was a fraud.

Three years later.
Lila appeared in her wedding dress on my doorstep with blood on my doorstep hysterical.
I stared in shock.
Lila whispered,
"Anne got angry."

A conversation.

-Hello Mrs. X. How are we today?
-The sun's a burden. It's too hot.
-Mrs. X, would you like tea?
-Thank you. No sugar.
-I'll serve it for you, Mrs. X.
-Do that dear. I hate handling cutlery. Simple things like this frighten me.
-Not a problem, Mrs. X. How was your visit to Panchmadi?
-Good. I was bothered by an awful body ache and head ache.
-That's terrible. How are you now?
-I think I'm destined to suffer for my entire life.
-in Panchmadi, did you prefer to walk rather than drive? The scenery is beautiful.
-No, the dust hits you and smothers you. I hate dust.
-Did you enjoy the scenery?
-I heard Ghosts everywhere I went.
-Oh. I loved the scenery.
-You're young. Live life to the fullest. Then you'll become old and die.
-How are your sons?
-They're weird.
-What are they doing?
-One is involved in obscure archaeology, the other is trying to communicate with aliens and one is doing engineering.
-Communicating with aliens?
-Doing stuff with space. Can't remember the word.
-Astronomy.
-How much do you read?!
-I just know this by general knowledge. I'm tired, Mrs. X. I'll be off.
-Getting tired so quickly? Maybe you're suffering from an illness.
-I'm exhausted. Goodbye, Mrs. X.